


Cast Away

by U_U_00000



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, Character Turned Into a Ghost, Dead Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Domestic Fluff, Exiled TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Ghost Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Ghost Wilbur Soot, Heavy Angst, Hurt Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt/Comfort, Hybrid Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, I'm Sorry, Long-Haired Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Minecraft, Other, Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Protective TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Sad Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Sad GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Sad Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Slow To Update, Tragedy, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade are Siblings, god do i suck at putting tags, just really fucking sporadic updates, kinda scared to post this ngl, sometimes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28358568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/U_U_00000/pseuds/U_U_00000
Summary: I'm not going to tell you I miss you,I'm not going to make myself look weak,And I hope that you're doing the same,And maybe that's why you won't speak to me.(c.j.)(inspired by Monophobia by LampLight143)
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Floris | Fundy, Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Wilbur Soot, No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 111
Kudos: 1199





	1. it was a bad idea

**Author's Note:**

> All the chapter titles are song lyrics, if you'd like the song title just comment asking and I'll try to respond as quickly as possible. If you would like to translate my work or post it on another website, please ask me for permission first.

"You hate me, Dream." George held Dream's stare with one of his own, eyes hardened and cold. Dream let his eyes fall closed, sighing quietly as he did so.

"No, I don't hate you, George." Sapnap scoffed, turning his head to the side as he did so. His arms were crossed, his usual cheery aura gone. Instead, it was replaced with a scowl and a look that could kill.

"Yeah, sure, you say that _as_ you _dethrone_ him. Eat shit, Dream." He winced slightly, glad for his masks protection. "Just admit it, Dream. You hate me and George and have never cared for us." Dream almost felt annoyed with all of this, yet he couldn't help the sting he felt as Sapnap glared at him with such ferocity. His eyes travelled to George, who stood nearly as still as a statue. Dream could've mistaken him for one if his uneven breaths didn't give him away.

Dream sighed again, more audibly this time, "As I said, Sapnap, I don't hate either of you. I could never. I care for the both of you, and I'm doing this _because_ I care for both of you." His fists clenched as Quackity let out a huff from beside them, obviously disagreeing with his statement from the way his wings pressed against the back of his jacket. He didn't let anger get the best of him and just tried his best to ignore the aching that continued to grow in his chest. "I'm doing this to protect you."

George began to speak again, venom dripping from his words. "Oh, so you saying all you care about are the _discs_ and not about _us_ just a part of my imagination, Dream?" His eyes widened underneath his mask, his mouth opening to object.

"I-"

Sapnap beat him to it, his hurt, rage, and betrayal swirling in his eyes like a tropical storm. "Are you just gonna deny that too, Dream? Just admit you hate us already and leave. We're done." Dream's throat seemed to tighten, hindering him unable to speak. He needed to say something, _anything_ , but he just couldn't. Nothing would come out. He felt almost numb, like the tingly kind.

"See, George? He doesn't care about us. All he cares about are Tommy's _stupid discs_." _No, that's not true!_

George spoke in an icy tone, gaze turned to L'manburg. "I see where we stand Dream. We'll be going now," He turned, Sapnap and Quackity following his lead. Dream could feel his hands trembling, his throat tightening even further. _Please! Don't go!_ His limbs felt heavy like hands were grabbing at his legs and arms, keeping him from moving. He could feel the hands tightening around his neck, covering his mouth, holding onto him with a vice-like grip. _Why? Why, why, whywhywhywhywhy-_

George gazed back over his shoulder, his expression blank. "We're no longer friends, Dream." All Dream could do was watch as his closest friends left him, _abandoned him_ -

He really tried to move, he really did. But he just couldn't muster enough strength to break his invisible binds. George and Sapnap seemed beyond him now. Quackity glanced back at him, scoffing as he did so. A nearly uncontainable rage filled his chest suddenly. Yet, he couldn't even flip Quackity off. He just couldn't bring himself to further ruin his relationships. He couldn't get why they just _didn't understand_. He was just trying to protect them. He didn't mean what he had said. _Why? Why can't they just understand_ -

Dream hadn't realized he was able to move again until a randomly spawned spider decided to attack him. He didn't pay any attention to the spider as he cut it in half, just knowing he needed to go somewhere, _anywhere_ , far away from L'manburg. He couldn't stand the way his hands kept trembling as he sprinted towards the forest, ignoring the looks Fundy gave him as he ran by. It was suffocating being near L'manburg, being near _George and Sapnap_ -

_No. No, no, no, nonONONO-_

He gasped for breath as he leaned against a tree, grasping at his chest, eyes squeezed shut in pain. He could feel the sting of tears behind his tightly shut eyelids, his chest tightening with every trembling inhale. The dull aching in his chest kept growing with every single step he'd take, growing to the point it felt as though it was eating him alive. He came to a crashing halt next to a stream, desperately dunking his head underneath the shallow water, removing his mask roughly so as to not get in the way. His hair, which had been neatly tied back, floated like the fallen leaves of the nearby trees, covering his face as he resurfaced. The sound of the rippling stream partially soothed the aching in Dream's chest.

"That was nice." He didn't know who he was talking to in particular, he just knew he needed to fill the silence with _something_. He stood up once more, fixing his mask back onto his face after tying his hair up into a bun. He didn't have any destination in mind, he just kept walking. He didn't feel very tired, neither energized, he just needed to keep moving. _Far away. Away from it all_. He decided he'd follow the stream. For how long? He didn't know, he just kept walking. He fended off mob after mob, never tiring, never resting.

He kept going until he became conscious of the gnawing hunger in his stomach. He looked into the satchel he had, finding a couple of loafs of bread and salted steaks and a single raw salmon. It would last him a while if he rationed it well enough, a few months probably. He ate half a loaf, his hunger waning a little, then stored the rest back into his satchel for when the hunger came back.

* * *

How long had he been walking for? Hours? Days? Weeks? Maybe even months had gone by. Dream didn't know, nor did he really care. He continued travelling until his hoodie wasn't enough to withstand the cold during the day, he went far enough until the trees started to grow taller and darker. He noticed the snow a couple of days after the oak trees turned to pine. He continued onward. The stream he was following grew thinner each day he travelled further into the snowy forest, the trickling growing weaker and weaker. The aching in his chest grew larger every step of the way, nearly becoming unbearable as he reached a small pond.

The stream connected to the pond, where a single sheep blended in with the snow, lapping gently at the still surface. The sheep noticed Dream, it's white coat jostling as it ran away into the thick covering of trees.

Suddenly, everything was just _too much_. He let the aching completely consume him as he let out a bloodcurdling scream. He screamed and wept until the aching was gone, and all that was left was the numbing cold of the snow and ice.

The hunger was gnawing at him again, his throat hoarse and dry from dehydration and his desperate screaming. He looked into his satchel, a bit confused as to why there was nothing inside except for a bundled stack of netherrack. He noticed the rather large hole in the side of his satchel. The blocks wouldn't have been able to fit, but the remaining rations he had left would've been able to slip away scot-free.

He let out a quiet groan as the pain doubled. His legs gave out in exhaustion as he leaned against a large rock that rested peacefully next to the pond. A flower delicately rested in the small slip of shore between the pond and rock. It seemed planted. He chuckled bitterly, his throat burning. He couldn't really remember the last time he had gotten any sleep. Maybe it was a week ago he had gotten sleep last? Two hours at most he guessed. Probably less, but that didn't really matter at the moment.

He felt really warm, and really tired too. He panted, trying to fan himself with the hem of his hoodie. He kicked off his boots, trying to cool down. He weakly grabbed a handful of snow, then dumped it in his hoodie. He couldn't really feel anything now, which was better than before. The snow felt weird without the cold to accompany it. It felt almost like clumpy sand.

_He was so tired_. 

He could really use some sleep. Maybe a quick nap would suffice, then he would keep moving. His eyes fell shut, his breathing deepening and growing slower. He groaned as he adjusted his mask, his hair falling gently on his shoulders as the tie came undone again.

He didn't move to fix it. He could barely open his eyes.

_I'm so sorry._

Why was he sorry again...? God, he was so _fucking_ tired. Just a quick nap, just _really quickly_.

_God, this was a shitty idea._

* * *

Wilbur wasn't really up to much, just wandering around as he did. Friend trailed after him, a blue blot in the clean white of the snow. He found it rather cute how much Friend stood out against the snow. Usually, he would stay inside the cabin because of the constant snowfall, but today it had cleared up considerably. He just needed to be considerate of how much he would float above the layers of snow beneath him.

Wilbur kept himself occupied by chatting about random topics with Friend, laughing randomly as Friend bleated. "The snow's quite pretty, isn't it Friend? Too bad I can't touch it." He pouted to himself, laughing again as Friend released another bleat. He hummed to himself now, a tune he didn't recognize, but he seemed to know it anyway. He let himself phase in and out of being tangible and intangible, keeping his hand holding Friend's lead physical.

As he switched back to being intangible, he bumped into something, knocking him back into Friend, which he phased through. He let out a gasp of shock as he stopped himself from flying back even further. The thing that he bumped into was actually a _someone_ , and even more importantly, a _dead_ someone. The fellow ghost curled in on themselves, hiding their face in their arms, their hair falling down their back and shoulders, just shy of touching the snow of which they floated only centimetres above.

"Hi, there! It's ok, I'm a ghost too. I'm Wilbur, by the way. You look a bit sad, would you like some blue?" Wilbur reached into his pockets, pulling out a couple of small, royal blue stones. He slowly approached the smaller ghost, holding out the faintly glowing stones, a friendly smile plastered on his face. The ghost flinched slightly as Wilbur's hand slightly brushed against their arm. Friend let out another bleat, nervously stamping their feet.

Wilbur gasped as the mysterious ghost lifted their head, revealing their face. "Geez, what're you doing all the way out here in nothing but those scrappy clothes? You look cold, but I guess ghosts can't get cold in the first place." He paused his monologue as the ghost shook their head slowly.

"Are you cold?" they nodded, making sure to show the trembling in their hands and legs. "You should've said so sooner! I'll take you back to the cabin, I'm sure even Tommy wouldn't let you freeze out here by yourself." Wilbur extended his empty hand to the shivering ghost who quickly accepted, letting Wilbur pull them into his side. The ghost pressed themselves further into Wilbur's side, burying their face into his yellow sweater. He simply grinned, droning on about a topic that seemed to go in one ear and out the other, but it was a good distraction from the cold that constantly seemed to be creeping around the corner for the smaller ghost.

"Would you like some blue? It might help with the cold- oh look! We're here!" Wilbur gently pet Friend, who had been leading the two along, bleated happily as he did so. "I think everyone's out right now, so you won't be able to see them for a while, but I and Friend will keep you company!" The ghost nodded happily, clinging onto Wilbur's hand, akin to a child and it's mother. Wilbur tied Friend to a fence quickly, muttering something into the sheep's ear before dragging his fellow ghost into the living room of the slightly renovated cabin.

"Sit here by the fire, I'll go fetch some blankets from upstairs, yeah?" The ghost silently nodded, scooting a little closer to the small fire hazard in the entirely wood lodgings. Wilbur was quick with grabbing a large blanket he would be able to wrap entirely around the shivering ghost, humming again as he draped it around their shoulders. They reached out before Ghostbur could remove himself from other apparition.

"P-please. Stay." Their voice was scratchy and withered, only those two words sending them into a coughing fit.

Wilbur immediately placed himself on the floor behind the trembling ghost, wrapping his arms around them, surprised by how much colder they were besides them both being ghosts. "I'm right here, don't worry. Here, have some blue, it always makes me feel better." He quickly reached into his pocket again, reaching over the other's shoulder to show them the stone. "Pretty, right?" the ghost nodded, gently holding the stone in their hands. Wilbur chuckled, letting himself run his fingers through the long, dirty blonde locks in front of him.

"You know, your hair is really long, even longer than Techno's. Do you want me to braid it? Or I'll just brush and tie it if you don't want to braid it." The ghost held up two fingers shyly, staring into the kindling fire as they did so. Wilbur let out a giddy squeak, getting up briefly to grab a hairbrush that lay unused in one of the many chests. Although, the process time was doubled by the ghost's clinginess. He took a solid minute to convince the nearly sobbing ghost that he wasn't leaving.

"Alright, I'll start now, yeah?" The ghost visibly relaxed further as Wilbur began brushing, massaging their scalp here and there. He chuckled as they leaned further against his chest, letting out a long yawn. He continued his administrations until the ghost nodded off to sleep, leaning completely against Wilbur. He chuckled, gathering the ghost's hair, tying it gently and slowly, trying his best not to wake the peacefully slumbering ghost. He decided he would just do his best with the angle he had.

He rests his head atop the other's, smiling to himself as the crackling of the fire and the sounds of their steady breathing filled the small cabin. The peace didn't last for too long.

Wilbur could hear Tommy's distant laughter, loud and high-pitched, accompanied by Techno's nagging and Philza's quiet wheezing. He could hear the murmur of, _oh look! It's friend, Wilbur must be back as well_. He could feel the slight vibrations of his family's footsteps coming up the steps to the front door, still loud and laughing as usual. Well, mostly Tommy. He was excited for them to meet his new friend! Or maybe not so new, but the same concept. Wilbur was surprised that his friend hadn't woken up from Tommy's loud shrieks, they must be really tired.

"Hey, Wilbur, we're-" Tommy recoiled in fear as his eyes landed on the bundle sleeping on the floor.

"Why the _fuck_ is _Dream_ on our floor sleeping?" He immediately pulled out his sword, the light from the fire glinting off of the multiple enchantments cast on the sword. Philza was quick to react, immediately going to lower Tommy's weapon, simultaneously putting a hand on Techno's hand that rests on the hilt of his axe.

"Let's calm down guys, I'm sure Wilbur has a perfectly plausible explanation for this." Philza turned expectantly to the said ghost, pleading silently with his eyes.

Wilbur let out a sigh, "Look at him, then look at me. You'll understand." The three, almost comically, swivelled their heads back and forth between Dream and Wilbur.

A look of understanding dawned Philza's face, along with a look of pure horror afterwards. "He's a _ghost_." Techno's eyes widened with shock, along with Tommy.

"Wait," Tommy started, "doesn't that mean Dream... died? _Dream_ somehow _died_." Techno snorted, his ears twitching slightly.

"I think we established that when we realized he's a _ghost_ , Tommy." The youngest murmured a small, _shut up_ , under his breath, still carefully watching the still bundle on the floor. The silence stretched out for a few moments longer before Wilbur decided to speak up again.

"I think we should help him as you guys helped me." Tommy immediately shrieked in protest, waving his arms in the air as though his pants had caught on fire.

"No! No way are we going to help a _scumbag_ like _him_ , Wilbur! He manipulated me, blew up Logstedshire, and he stole my discs! He also, if you didn't know, is pretty much the reason for my exile." Techno looked as though he was about to object to the last statement, but was interrupted by Wilbur.

He huffed angrily, "I literally blew up a nation, killed everyone, and pretty much betrayed everybody, Tommy, I don't think his deeds were that worse than mine." Philza winced as he remembered watching as everything in L'manburg blew up, Wilbur basking in the chaos and destruction. _Then he_ -

"That's different, Wilbur! You're _family_ , and he didn't even want to be my friend, he wanted to _control_ me." Tommy's eyes remained on Dream the entire time, and if looks could kill, Dream would've died ten times over by now.

"Well, maybe he _did_ want to be your friend, Tommy, his whole motive of spending time with you couldn't have been just-" Everyone froze as Dream let out a yawn, arching his back and stretching out his arms, the blanket falling from his shoulders. He froze as he made eye contact with Tommy, who had once again, pointed his sword at Dream. He let out a yelp, scrambling away from the gleaming blade, crawling behind Wilbur to hide. Wilbur instantly turned to comfort Dream, who was shuddering uncontrollably. Wilbur whispered words of comfort as he cradled Dream in his arms, ignoring how _cold_ the other was.

Tommy was taken aback by Dream's reaction. He had expected him to at least mock the exiled boy or something along those lines. Techno, also, watched as Dream quivered like a leaf, in complete shock. The mighty warrior Dream, terrified by just the sight of a sword held in a teen boy's hands? That's a sight he didn't get to see every day.

"So," Philza cleared his throat, "If we do help him, where do we even start? We don't even know how he died, Wilbur." The larger ghost contemplated before turning, tightening his arms around Dream further, lowering his head to murmur in his ear.

"Hey, Dream, do you remember anything from when you were alive? How you died or where you died, maybe? Anything helps." Dream's fist clenched around the blue stone tightly, his knuckles turning white as he tried to calm down. "Would you like some more blue?" He nodded quickly, his mask nearly falling off. Wilbur fished around in his pockets for a few moments, then pulled out two more stones, passing them off to Dream. He gathered the stones into his arms, hugging them to his chest firmly.

"Don't. R-rememb-" He cut himself off as he fell into another coughing fit. Tommy cringed from how dry his coughs sounded. How long had he gone without water when he was alive? He was almost concerned for his old companion. _Not companion. Dream was an evil man who manipulated Tommy and_ \- 

"Tommy? You ok bud?" Philza placed his hand worryingly on his shoulder, squeezing softly. Techno nudged his other shoulder lightly, concern lacing his facial features.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine, Phil. Just... Dream's actually _dead_. And he was pretty much the only thing keeping me from L'manburg." A question silently travelled between the three of them as they watched the fearsome warrior wheeze on their floor.

_Does that mean I can go back?_

* * *


	2. i'm sorry, brothers, so sorry, lover

"So, do we go out to look for his body now or do we wait until the snow stops?" Techno inquired. It was either; risk getting caught outside in the storm or potentially never finding his body under all the snow the next morning. Philza contemplated, glancing over at Dream every now and then.

"We should probably see if he remembers anything about where he died first, then we can decide whether or not we go."

Tommy scoffed, "I think we all know he can't remember _jack shit_ from when he was alive."

Phil gave his son a stern look, "Well, it still helps to ask, doesn't it? We should, also, probably get him to write down what he remembers, like with Wilbur." Tommy rolled his eyes, opting to continue observing Wilbur and Dream. It freaked him out that Dream, his tormentor, _and yet his only friend_ , could remember nothing beyond his own name and the English language. And to think someone could've _killed him_ -

"I don't think anyone killed him," Techno stated, unknowingly interrupting Tommy's train of thought.

"Well," Tommy asked, "How else could he have died? He wouldn't just... _die_ , would he?"

"You really have a way with words, Tommy."

"Oh, shut _up_ , Techno." Phil hushed his youngest, turning to his eldest.

"How do you think he died then?"

Techno silently contemplated for a few seconds, cogs turning in his head. "I think he died out in the storm a few days ago. If you look closely, you can notice the frost on his fingers, arms, and mask. He probably was severely dehydrated too- just deriving that from the way he was hacking on our floor just an hour ago." Phil nodded solemnly, Tommy squinting, most likely to try and see the frost that danced across Dream's skin, like white lace.

"Wow, there really _is_ frost on his fingers."

Techno snorted, "Oh, so _that's_ what you're concerned about? Not that Dream somehow got all the way out here and _died_?" Tommy opened his mouth, ready to get into another one-sided yelling match.

"Alright! Let's focus on trying to _help_ Dream, _not_ to treat him like someone just gave us a dead silverfish and said, 'hey, dissect it'." Both of his sons nodded silently, all three of them turning to the two ghosts, the taller of the two trying to keep the other in his arms while simultaneously flipping through the pages of a book about different types of flowers.

Dream's finger landed on a particular flower. He made a noise of recognition, repeatedly stabbing at the image.

"Do you like this flower?" He nodded, "It's called a 'dandelion'. It's really common, but it doesn't grow down here, sadly, I've looked for it." Wilbur chuckled as Dream let out a hoarse whine, placing his chin on the other's shoulder. "Maybe we can go look for some dandelions together some time, further up in the forest." Dream let out a strained humming sound. Wilbur took that as a sound of agreement, returning to the book. His smile widened as Dream let out noises of amazement, completely and utterly enraptured by the vivid colours. He seemed especially taken with a specific colour.

"Green." Dream croaked, his throat slowly becoming more accustomed to speaking and making noises.

"You like green?" He nodded again, caressing the page. "When the snow thaws a lot of green comes out, but that won't be for a few months, I think." Dream whined again, letting out a small cough. "Would you like some blue instead?" He nodded, hand open, already reaching for more of the stones. The six other stones he had lay in his lap, the parts of the stones touching Dream were covered in a layer of frost, making the stones a lighter shade of blue.

Wilbur placed two more stones in his hand, chuckling as they immediately frosted over. He paused his movements for a moment, waiting for Dream to settle back into his chest. Once he was comfortable again, snuggled tightly into Wilbur's arms, he resumed flipping through the pages of the book.

He was interrupted by Phil, who gave him a small smile as he tapped on his shoulder, which he returned in kind. "Wilbur, hey, do you think you could pause for a bit? We need to see if Dream remembers where he... you know."

"Yeah, sure thing, Phil." Wilbur turned to the smaller ghost, muttering something Phil couldn't really make out. He backed up a bit as Wilbur stood, holding Dream's hand as he slowly raised to his feet. "Do you want him to write it all down or do you want to ask him 'yes or no' questions?"

"He can just write it down, it'll be easier on his throat." Wilbur grinned back at Dream. He seemed a little anxious, continuously hiding behind Wilbur's larger figure, hunching as far as possible, trying to make himself as small as possible. Despite being taller than Phil, he looked up at him, his mask only blankly smiling. Phil offered him a kind smile, trying to make the ghost comfortable in his presence. It worked slightly.

Wilbur led Dream into a small side room, blabbing on about flowers with him. Phil shivered as Dream brushed past him. He was used to the cold feeling of Wilbur's hugs, but he didn't think ghosts could get any colder. Maybe the way a ghost dies has something to do with ghostly temperature.

"So, on another important matter at hand; do we tell everyone in L'manburg about... _him_ or?" Techno asked, peeking into the side room.

Phil placed his hand on his chin, trying to reflect on what's happened so far. He came to a conclusion. "I think we should let him stay here with us until the snow thaws, then we bring him to L'manburg and tell everyone. Maybe, by then, he'll remember _mostly_ everything." Tommy guffawed, although Techno seemed to agree with Phil.

"What do you _mean_ to let him stay here? With _us_? We should just tell everyone, go back to L'manburg, reconcile, and happily ever after!"

"Tommy!" Phil yelled over him, "We don't even know why he was out in the storm, hell, we don't even know where his _body_ is! We can't just... tell them Dream's dead and hope they forgive us. Your brother is literally considered a _terrorist_ in L'manburg, I don't think we can just reconcile like that." Tommy grit his teeth then stormed to his room, descending the latter, muttering curses under his breath. Phil sighed, completely drained for the night.

Techno placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, face as neutral as ever. "Tommy will come around eventually, Phil. He's just a bit riled up since... Dream, _you know_... ruined his mental and all that emotional stuff." Phil let out an empty chuckle, running his hands over his face, rubbing his temples.

"I'm too old for all of this." Techno let out a snort, nudging his shoulder gently.

"You can't keel over just yet, old man." Phil let out a small, _oh, shut up_ , nudging Techno back, a grin creeping onto his face.

"Phil? Dream's finished." Wilbur poked his head out the doorway, a worried look plastered on his face, "I heard a lot of yelling, are you guys okay? Do you want some blue?"

"No," Phil shook his head, "That's alright, Wilbur, we're fine." Wilbur gave them one last suspicious look before he relented and disappeared into the room. Phil and Techno soon joined the two ghosts, both tangled in each other's arms once again.

"He wrote what he remembers in there." He pointed at the damp notebook that lay on the makeshift desk, just a stack of wooden planks on top of one another. Dream finally noticed the other two in the room, too immersed in the assortment of books that lay in a pile on the floor. He was quick to hide himself behind Wilbur, glancing warily at Techno. Said piglin hybrid could only stand there awkwardly as he attempted, poorly, to make himself less intimidating.

Phil smiled at Dream again, moving to grab the notebook. "It's alright if you don't remember much, okay? Wilbur couldn't remember much either when he first showed up." Dream seemed to relax slightly hearing Phil's comforting words, but he immediately tensed again when Techno shifted slightly, trembling.

Phil picked up the notebook gingerly, the dampness making him cringe. He struggled to flip to the right page, cursing Wilbur and his sporadic placement of entries. He cursed when he went past the page. He attempted to flatten out the pages, hearing Techno murmuring something behind him, possibly to Wilbur or Dream. _Finally_ , he found the right page, and he face palmed immediately after witnessing the mess of ink all over the page. He sighed as he sat down on the cold floor, trying to decipher the ink blotches on the wrinkled paper that had started to slowly dry.

"Wilbur, can you come here and help me, please? The ink's smudged." He could feel the air get colder around him as Wilbur approached him, presumably with Dream in tow,

"I can re-write it if you'd like?" Phil nodded, muttering thanks, passing Wilbur the notebook over his shoulder. Phil patiently waited for Wilbur to finish, shivering as Dream decided to wrap himself around his arm. He was almost like an affectionate cat.

"There, all fixed up. Here you go, Phil." He thanked the ghost once more, his eyes roving over the drawings and words scribbled on the pages. _I remember walking around in the forest. I cried a lot, I was really tired. I was by a pond I think. I remember this person with weird goggles and another person with a bandana. I remember green. I really like green. It was really cold. **Cold. Cold, cold, coldcoldcoldcoldcoldcold**_ -

_I remember being sorry. I was all alone. Why am I so cold? I'm sorry. **Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorrysorrysorrysorrySORRYSORRYSORRY**_ -

Phil couldn't help but feel pity for the former warrior. To think he couldn't even remember anything beyond his own death, he was worse than Wilbur. At least he could remember happy things. Phil turned towards Dream.

The ghost was inching slowly towards Techno, more curious than afraid now. He probably felt more relaxed because Wilbur was cheerfully chatting with Techno. He made the occasional quip here and there, trying his best to stand still for Dream. Phil smiled sadly, closing the notebook and placing it back on the horribly made desk. He approached Dream slowly, holding his arms open. Curiously, he walked towards Phil, his mask smiling blankly at him.

Dream let out a strangled yelp as he was enveloped by Phil's arms. "You did a good job, Dream." He ignored the way frost crawled up his chest and arms, keeping his grip on the ghost firm. As he loosened his hold on Dream, he held him by his shoulders at arm's length, looking him up and down, his eyes finally landing on the mask that covered Dream's face. Even death couldn't separate him from his mask.

"Don't you feel tired? Wearing a mask all the time, I mean." Dream tilted his head in confusion, his hand reaching up to gently graze the front of his mask, his fingering stilling as they gripped the edge of his mask. Phil felt slightly irritated as the mask continued to blankly smile at him. Dream looked back at Wilbur, obviously debating internally whether or not he wanted to take off the mask or not.

"Whichever you feel most comfortable doing, Dream. Nobody's forcing you to take off your mask." Phil hummed softly, chuckling slightly as Wilbur nodded along.

Dream looked between Phil and Wilbur, then he pulled his mask off, his hair becoming undone again. Phil and Techno gaped as Dream stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do with the mask he fiddled with.

Dream's eyes were a shade of faded emerald green, probably because was a ghost, and freckles adorned his deathly pale skin, similar to how torches light up the snow. His long hair flowed in cascades down his shoulders and back, framing his small face perfectly.

"Yeah," Everybody looked back at Tommy in surprise, who coughed stiffly. "I agree with you, Phil. And sorry about shouting shit at you angrily." Phil just let out a hearty laugh, slapping Tommy's back. He let out a tiny exclamation of pain, rubbing his shoulder while wincing.

"But that _doesn't_ mean I want Dream around." Tommy huffed stubbornly, glaring comically at Dream, who shrivelled under his withering gaze, going back to hide behind Wilbur. With his mask off you could see his teary eyes and the way he slightly scrunches his nose when he sniffles.

"Ok," Techno began, "This is all wholesome and stuff, but can we all just head to bed?" Dream nodded hesitantly, still hunched over. Phil could now see the way Dream's eyes would constantly shift between him and Wilbur.

"Yeah, it is getting late. And-"

Wilbur exclaimed excitedly, "We get to give Dream a grave too!" 

Phil sighed, smiling sadly again.

"Yeah. A grave."

_We probably won't even find his body_.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to see a pattern of me only working on chapters at 2:00 AM : )  
> sorry about the awkward way I ended the chapter, I was trying to find a good place to end the chapter and get some sleep but I ended up fucking it up oh well it is what it is : p


	3. but i crumble completely when you cry

" _Shit_ , why is it so hard just to find a _stupid_ fucking pond!" Tommy bellowed in the forest, trudging at a snail's pace through snow that reached his hips. To add to his frustration, Tommy had been forced to take Wilbur and Dream along. ' _W_ _e need to stay in pairs_ ', Phil had said, ignoring Tommy's cries of protest, happily waving goodbye as Techno ploughed through the snow in front of them.

"You shouldn't shout so suddenly, Tommy, Dream is rather scared of loud noises." Wilbur scolded, Dream pressed tightly against his side, his yellow sweater tightly balled in his fists. His mask sat on the side of his head, revealing his startled expression. Tommy clicked his tongue, turning away from the two ghosts, muttering random curses underneath his breath, struggling to dig through the mixture of ice and snow. He glared, jealous of the ghosts' ability to just _float_ , while he was stuck with snow in his pants and boots.

Tommy groaned, throwing his shovel as far into the expanse of white as he could. _Well, shit_.

"Wilbur, could you get my shovel for me? I threw it." He pitifully pointed towards the tiny dot of blue shimmering underneath the sun, a pleading look on his face.

Wilbur smiled, nodding as he easily moved ahead of Tommy, humming again. Dream had stayed behind, attention caught by the tiny blades of grass that barely poked through the snow that Tommy had dug away.

Tommy stood stiffly, trying to ignore the way his legs were going numb from the snow melting inside his pants. He jumped in surprise as Dream brushed up against him, causing him to fall face-first into the unplowed snow in front of him. Dream had let out a little gasp, watching as a Tommy-shaped indent formed in the snow. He frantically went about in circles, trying to figure out what to do.

"Would you _please_ help me up!" Tommy shrieked, voice muffled by the snow he was partially buried in. Dream hurriedly moved to pick Tommy up, his hands grabbing onto the collar of the large winter coat. He let out a small grunt as he tugged on Tommy's coat, trying his best to pry him out of his icy prison. As Dream slowly lifted Tommy, his hands immediately shot out to grab onto something that would give him leverage. His hands met more snow, which just crumbled into the large indent he had left.

Dream suddenly let go of Tommy's coat collar, letting out a nearly silent yelp. "Hey, Tommy, I've brought the shovel ba- what're you doing? Are we making snow angels?" Wilbur inquired, his face twisted in confusion. Tommy lay there silently, face still buried in the snow, almost as still as a corpse. "Tommy?"

" _Fuck_!" He spat venomously, arms and legs flailing in frustration as Wilbur and Dream floated above him. "Stop staring and fucking _help me_!" Tommy let out a girlish squeal as Wilbur yanked on his coat, lifting him up to his feet in one go.

Dream let out a breathy giggle, trying to hide behind Wilbur as Tommy whirled around to glare at the green ghost. "You're really light, Tommy, you should eat some more." Said boy just swatted away his dead brother, his hand easily going through his body. He shuddered, muttering a quiet, _thank you_. He could never get used to the feeling of Wilbur's ghostly body- he just _can't_. He was too used to the warm hugs Wilbur would give when he was alive, the annoying fucking way he'd ruffle his hair. Now, every time Wilbur would give Tommy a hug or sometimes ruffle his hair, it was only a brief warmth, then he was just left feeling sad, empty, and _really_ fucking cold. Literally _and_ figuratively.

"Tommy? You're spacing out, I think. Would you like some blue? To help with concentration, of course." Wilbur smiled sweetly, already holding out a handful of those _damned_ blue stones.

"No thanks, Ghos- _Wilbur_. I'm good." Tommy's lips pressed into a thin line, snatching his shovel from Wilbur's other hand, ignoring Dream's curious stares. He blocked out the way Wilbur's smile faltered, a frown briefly taking its place before it returned just as quickly.

Tommy continued his struggle against the snow, deciding to silence his complaints, opting to listen to Wilbur and Dream's one-sided conversation about grass.

_Fucking grass_.

* * *

Phil sighed as he approached the cabin, Techno's expression revealing a gentle concern. "We can just look again tomorrow, Phil, and maybe Tommy, _however unlikely_ , could've found the pond already."

"I hope he's found the pond or we'll never find Dream's body at this rate, what with all the snow and all." Phil let out another sigh, squinting at the sky as the sunset, the clouds looming ominously overhead. "Well, _shit_. It'll snow soon I bet, and just our fucking luck, too."

Techno stared up at the sky as well, grunting in agreement, "We'll _at least_ be able to recognize his body if we ever find it, ya know, cold preserving it and all." Phil smiled at Techno, silently thanking him for his, rather failed, endeavour of comforting him.

The pair jumped slightly as Tommy let out a loud, screech-like gasp, his figure growing slowly as they advanced closer to the cabin, "Technoblade comforting Philza? _What_?" The youngest let out a scream of terror as Techno sprinted at him suddenly. He waddled his way through the snow as quickly as he could, letting out wheezes every time he laughed. He didn't get far, getting shoved face-first into the snow.

"No, not again!" Tommy cried his words muffled by the snow, _again_. Phil watched, wheezing and doubling over. Wilbur and Dream were laughing as well, although Dream's laughs came out more as little tea kettle whistles. Techno stood over Tommy proudly, arms crossed over his puffed-out chest. The youngest of the group let out a loud moan of anguish, his arms and legs lashing out at the icy prison that surrounded them, similar to the motions of a turtle on its shell.

"Alright, alright, that's enough boys. Let's head back inside before it starts snowing." Phil wheezed, wiping away a tear that had started to form in his eye. "Techno, please help Tommy up before he gets sick." The eldest complied dutifully, grabbing Tommy by his collar, carrying him like some kind of rodent.

"Put me down you dickhead!" Wilbur and Dream giggled to themselves as Tommy huffed angrily, stumbling a little as Techno dropped him, careful not to fall over again.

"C'mon boys, warmth awaits us inside the cabin, not out here with Tommy holes." Phil quipped, smiling as the two ghosts flew in circles around Tommy and Techno. They silently giggled behind their hands, grinning at each other as Techno continued to tease Tommy, who rabidly bated away his nudges against his head.

Phil liked this. He wouldn't mind Dream staying around for a few more weeks.

He was content, for the first time in a while.

* * *

The days turned into weeks, which soon transformed into months. Phil felt almost guilty keeping Dream a secret from everyone else in the SMP, but at the same time, he was glad that the snow hadn't let up yet. However, from the way that the days started to get warmer and warmer, sooner or later, he would have to make the dreaded trip to L'manburg.

Concerning Dream, everyone had agreed to take it slow with him, help him take baby steps during the process of recovering his memories. The progress was very little, he only remembered a few blurry memories from his childhood, and even then it was too much for him. He had gone into a listless depression for two weeks. He refused to tell them what he had remembered, even _Wilbur_ , his ghost buddy, his amnesia pal.

Techno, during that time, grew a lot closer with Dream, even ruffling his hair a few times as he attempted to hide a smile. He still had an awkward aura about him sometimes, but he could at least hold a simple conversation with the ghost before shuffling away stiffly. Phil could tell he was happy with Dream though, his ears tended to give away a lot.

Wilbur was as cheery as ever, even more so with Dream around. He was patient with the younger ghost, always by his side, making conversation with him constantly, telling him all about different plants and animals. During his time of depression, the blue-loving ghost never once left Dream's side, making himself comfortable with the younger in his arms next to the fire.

Phil always silently thanked Wilbur every time he had walked past them, a grateful smile or an extra blanket for the both of them.

Tommy was surprisingly understanding with Dream, even though when he was alive he pretty much ruined his life in L'manburg. He never once mentioned anything about his exile with Dream within earshot, always opting to offer the ghost a small smile, trying to seem as friendly as possible. He never showed it, but he was rather worried about Dream when he had gone into depression. He was always asking about how he was, trying to seem nonchalant about it.

All in all, everyone had accepted Dream in their own way.

Dream's throat had even gotten better than before. He spoke in choked whispers, but he could _talk_. He was less cold when you touched him, sometimes he even felt somewhat warm, by ghost standards of course.

The only downside to everything was that they had yet to find his body. Phil had been constantly stressed about it, wanting to give the ghost a grave as fast as possible. The body could've been picked off by crows or half decomposed. Techno and Tommy were out almost every day, trying to find the dumb pond, always coming back unsuccessful and tired.

Hopefully, the warmer weeks would give them the opportunity to go further into the forests to search.

Dream had been extremely excited about the snow thawing, a stream of choked words coming from his blue lips, always about plants and seeing the colour green. He especially liked yellow as well. Phil found it rather cute. It was like when Wilbur would go around telling everyone about Friend when he first got them.

Of course, with the warm summer months, that always meant unexpected visitors. Sometimes, even _unwelcomed guests_.

* * *

"It's been _months_ now, why hasn't anybody come to find him?" Tommy wondered to himself, squinting out the window cautiously. Wilbur and Dream had left with Friend earlier, taking a bag with a packed lunch for the blue sheep, along with a communicator. They had gone to go exploring, looking for dandelions and poppies.

"Don't jinx it, Tommy," Techno chided, "The next thing you know, the entirety of L'manburg will be at our doorstep demanding blood for 'kidnapping' and 'murdering' Dream." Tommy gasped like the idea had never come to him.

Phil chuckled, "Don't make him worry, Techno. Maybe Dream got lost looking for Tommy and got stuck out in the snowstorm."

"Yeah, maybe, but that still doesn't explain why nobody is looking for him. I remember him being _pretty dang important_." Techno said, his ears twitching as a warm breeze flew in from the open windows.

Phil opened his mouth to suggest a theory but paused as his communicator buzzed in his pocket. He fished it out, ignoring Tommy as he attempted to look over his shoulder. He let out a yelp as Phil's wings slapped him in the face, getting tossed back into Techno who skillfully evaded him.

Tommy was about to let out a shriek of complaint but froze as he watched Phil's face pale. "What's wrong?"

The avian hybrid silently tossed his communicator to Tommy, face still stuck in a panicked expression. The blonde caught it, his hands fumbling a little, looking down at it quickly.

_Tubbo whispers to you: Phil can we talk?_

_Tubbo whispers to you: Dream's missing and nobody has heard from him since he last left nine months ago_

_Tubbo whispers to you: can we meet up?? You can choose the_ _spot I just need help finding him._

Tommy could feel the familiar feeling of a cold sweat spread throughout his body. His hands grew clammy as they held onto the communicator tightly. His chest tightened as his breathing quickened. He could hear his heart beating, the pounding of his pulse echoing in his head. A familiar pair of calloused hands gripped his shoulders tightly, keeping him steady on his feet as his knees buckled underneath him.

"Phil we need to respond. I'll get Tommy to his room to lie down. You decide what we do, okay?" Techno looked over at his father expectantly, taking his brother's arm and hanging it over his shoulder. He cringed as Tommy breathed heavily against his neck, his ears lowering slightly in displeasure.

"Y-yeah, I've got this, you take care of Tommy." Phil fumbled with the communicator, trying to clear his mind as he racked his brain for a proper response. Does he hide Dream or does he tell Tubbo? If it's to help Dream he should, but he couldn't help the feeling of anger. Why did it take Tubbo so long to ask about Dream's whereabouts? He's been missing for nearly a year and the young president only chooses now to realize he's missing?

_You whisper to Tubbo: Alright, we can talk._

_You whisper to Tubbo: It's only going to be you, right? I don't want this to be some sort of trap._

Phil didn't have to wait long for a response.

_Tubbo whispers to you: I assure you that there will be no funny business._

_Tubbo whispers to you: Dream is actually missing._

_You whisper to Tubbo: No, I believe you about Dream being missing, I'm just worried it'll be a trap is all._

_You whisper to Tubbo: Meet me at this abandoned village towards the NW, I'll send the_ _coordinates._

Phil looked through his small notebook of coordinates, skimming the pages for the right one. He hurriedly sent it to Tubbo, his nerves setting in again. He turned as he recognized Techno's footsteps behind him.

"So, what're we doing, Phil?" Techno asked, a stern expression on his face.

"We're going to tell Tubbo. About Dream." Techno sighed and closed his eyes, turning around to pack his things.

It was going to be a long talk.

* * *

Techno grunted as he let out another burst of energy. His endurance can only last so long. He and Phil were currently boating along the coast, Wilbur and Dream were crammed alongside them, silently holding each other's hand. Dream seemed to be comforting Wilbur as he shifted nervously in his cramped spot, flinching away from the side of the boat every time a small wave smashed against the side.

"We're almost there, just hold on a little longer," Phil assured Wilbur, and partially Techno, who had cast away his thick cloak, sweat beading at his forehead as he panted. He fought against the current as he put more strength behind his pushes and pulls. Dream stared over the edge of the boat curiously, eyes gleaming with joy as tropical fish swam by, coral shining colourfully underneath the royal blue surface of the ocean.

"Be careful not to fall over, Dream." The green ghost mindlessly nodded, continuing to stare into the water, oblivious of the tense atmosphere surrounding the three other passengers of the boat.

Tommy had been left at home. Just seeing Tubbo messaging Phil had sent him into a panic attack. He would react even worse if he met Tubbo in person.

They continued to row in silence, accompanied by the splashing of the waves against the hull and the occasional, ' _wow_ ' from Dream. Soon, the dock of the abandoned village Phil had once explored came into view. He remembers when it was a bustling fish trading centre, villagers running around, busily fulfilling their many tasks as they stared at Phil as he walked by. Now, it was nothing more than ruins from the past.

"They should be there already, in the centre with the old bell." Techno sighed in relief as he stepped onto the old dock, cloak hanging on his shoulder. The old planks creaked as the others got off, all of them stretching out their arms and legs, cramped from the long, four-hour boat ride. Dream reached into the far back of the small rowboat, pulling out a light travelling cloak to drape over himself. They all had insisted he hide himself, so it would be less of a shock for Tubbo.

Techno draped his cloak over himself, pulling the hood over his eyes, doing the same for Dream. Phil chuckled as the ghost let out a yelp, trying to see from underneath the oversized hood. Wilbur still held Dream's hand tightly, a look of worry adorning his face. Phil smiled, reaching out and squeezing Wilbur's shoulder in comfort.

The group moved with caution. Even if Tubbo assured Phil that no one else would be there beside them, it never hurt to be on the cautious side. They all froze as they heard hushed arguing. Phil stepped out from where they stood, pulling out his sword, the netherite gleaming in the relentless sunlight.

Tubbo gasped, alongside the cabinet members of the L'manburg government. "Phil! They wouldn't let me go alone, so I had to bring them along." Tubbo quickly explained, nervously glancing between his advisors and Phil's sword.

Phil glared, then sighed as he sheathed his sword, motioning for the others to come out from behind the abandoned home. Techno had pulled out his sword nearly immediately when he had heard the hushed whispers, the hood having been pulled down so he could see more clearly. The entirety of the L'manburg government stood before him, Quackity and Fundy pulling out their battle axes to face him, anger blazing in their eyes. Tubbo and Ranboo stood empty-handed, staring in shock.

"Phil, I thought you would be alone."

Phil scoffed, "I never _said_ I would be alone. _You_ did though, and you don't seem very alone to me." The two opposing forces stood in silence, the tension building until you could nearly _see_ it.

"Oh! Hello everyone! It's nice to see you again Tubbo, after Tommy's exile and all." Wilbur smiled happily, subtly hiding Dream behind him as he waved. Tubbo flinched as Tommy's name was mentioned, waving weakly at Wilbur.

"Nice to see you, too, Wilbur."

"Excuse me, but don't mind me if I'm a little _fucking confused_! What the fuck is going on here?" Quackity exclaimed, battle-axe still facing Technoblade. None of them had noticed Dream, hidden behind Wilbur and his cloak.

"Tubbo asked me to meet him here to discuss Dream's whereabouts. I have some pretty vital information, all you need to do is stand down and we'll be on our way." Phil calmly stated, stance completely neutral. His wings were relaxed against his back. Quackity felt a little irked at that, his own wings raised high, although, they were considerably smaller than Phil's. He couldn't even fly.

"We're not just gonna listen to them, right Tubbo? I mean, _Techno_ is right in front of us!" Quackity turned to face Tubbo, who had been silent during his little exchange.

"Lower your weapons." Quackity guffawed, his axe lowering from shock.

"You're kidding me right now, Tubbo."

"Quackity!" His wings flinched as Tubbo raised his voice, turning into president mode. "This is my business, so I will handle this the way I want to. If you have any problems with that, we can settle that _after_ we find Dream." Quackity couldn't protest. He _did_ insist to come along when he obviously wasn't invited. He just wanted to make sure Tubbo was safe. Fundy and Ranboo glanced at each other, then put away their axes, Quackity following suit.

Techno snorted, "Finally, we can actually start this conversation." The duck hybrid glared at the piglin, looking away as his eyes, as unwavering and cold as ever, met his. They all stood there for a few moments in silence, awkwardly staring at each other.

Phil cleared his throat, sighing, "Concerning Dream's disappearance, we know where he's been for the past nine months, but the other two is unknown to us." Tubbo stared expectantly, motioning for Phil to continue. "Dream has been living with us for nine months-"

" _What_?" Tubbo gasped, "You're not serious. He's just been with _you_ for the past nine months?"

"Seven, actually, but yes. Now, this part is where it really gets shocking." Tubbo quirked his eyebrow up in confusion. "Just, don't interrupt me."

Tubbo nodded, "The last interruption, got it."

"In the two months that he went missing for, he somehow... _passed away_." Tubbo couldn't even let out a single noise as his eyes widened in shock, mouth falling open as well.

"That is absolute _bullshit_! Dream, _the_ Dream, wouldn't just... _pass away_ , He's better than that!" Quackity shouted, his hands going up to grasp his head in confusion and frustration. Ranboo stood still, silently trying to comprehend what was just said, his notebook somehow finding its way into his hand. Fundy could feel as tears ran down his cheeks. Even if Dream was barely there and pretty much cheated on him with George, he was still his _husband_.

"If you're calling bullshit we can just show you if you'd like." Phil's tone was flat and icy. The L'manburg party finally noticed the figure that cowered behind Wilbur, the ghost holding the cloaked figure's hand. A pale, almost translucent hand, reached up to pull back the hood that lay over their face.

They all gasped in horror as they made eye contact with Dream. His eyes were glossy with tears, his entire being trembling under all the intense stares.

" _Dream_?" Fundy choked out, nearly sobbing at the sight of his terrified husband. He looked as beautiful as ever.

Dream finally spoke, his voice nothing more than a whisper, "Sorry, do I know you?"

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, sorry this took me so long, but I've been having writer's block and I have classes again. I also need to get a new prescription for antidepressants sooo... I'll try and get one more chapter out before I have a complete mental breakdown  
> happy new years btw : ]  
> also, I don't know why, but I forgot to write about Phil's wings


	4. prepare to leave my body when the time it comes through

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, this chapter is a little boring, but the next chapter will be a total mess probably.

Fundy turned away, letting out a broken sob. The man he had married, who he _loved_ , doesn't even- he doesn't even _remember him_.

Ranboo had taken a break from messily scribbling in his notebook, instead turning to comfort the visibly heartbroken fox hybrid. He glanced back at Dream nervously. It was obvious he remembered nothing, possibly even less than Wilbur had initially remembered when they first found him as a ghost. Geez, did he feel bad for Fundy. He didn't know the full story, but it must suck having both your father _and_ your husband dead.

Tubbo mumbled to himself, fiddling with his communicator as he did so, thumb deleting and retyping messages over and over again. Quackity was crouched on the ground, head between his hands and knees. His wings twitched occasionally, stretched as far as they could go. Ranboo could _swear_ he was praying in Spanish.

Wilbur seemed to be trying to comfort Dream, petting his head as though he were a pet or a child. Said ghost was on the verge of _tears_. He was trembling his breath stuttering as he attempted to speak to Wilbur. Phil and Techno stood on either side of the two ghosts, keeping firm grips on the hilt of their swords.

Ranboo never would've thought that the man he feared _most_ in the whole SMP, would be reduced to nothing but a snivelling mess on the mud-covered ground in an abandoned village out in the middle of nowhere. He watched in awe as Dream clung onto Wilbur desperately, wheezing as he tried to catch his breath. Ranboo found it particularly interesting, the way every exhale seemed to form as fog in the air, the way your breath showed during cold, winter nights. His tears seemed to freeze just seconds after touching his skin, creating a glittering image on his face, like a painting.

"Come, Dream, you didn't do anything wrong, they're just very sad you died." Wilbur smiled down at Dream, holding him tightly in his arms. He was even colder than usual. He gently attempted to wipe away Dream's tears, though they didn't clear away as easily as he thought they would.

He looked up at Phil and Techno, motioning towards Dream's face. Techno looked at Phil, then looked down at his cloak. He sighed as he effortlessly ripped off a piece of his travelling cloak, kneeling down next to Dream, gently holding his face in his hand, wiping away the frozen droplets with ease. Ranboo looked on, amazed by Techno's passiveness with the green ghost.

Techno felt his stare, slowly turning his head to meet his eyes, "What're you lookin' at?" Ranboo stammered, trying to gather words in his mouth.

"Don't bother him too much, Techno, he joined just a while ago." Phil chided, giving a small, apologetic smile to Ranboo. The enderman hybrid tilted his head to the side, trying his best to give a friendly smile back. Phil thought it looked more like a painful grimace than anything near a smile.

"This- this has _got_ to be a dream, right?" Tubbo choked on his words, "Please, he's not- that's- _no way_."

Wilbur nodded earnestly, "Unfortunately- or maybe not _that_ unfortunate for me- sorry, I'm rambling." The ghost sighed, slapping himself lightly. "Unfortunately, Dream is also a ghost." Tubbo let out a heavy breath, running his hands over his face. He looked more exhausted than when he had exiled Tommy.

"Okay, yeah, this is a rather large development." The young president took a seat gingerly, placing himself on the unstable well that stood anciently behind him. It was long polluted, the water inside a dark, murky brown. "What do I tell everyone? _Christ_ , what do I tell George and Sapnap?" Quackity jerked up at the mention of his close friend and fiance, a scowl quickly growing on his tanned face.

"I dunno if you heard, Tubbo, but that _asshole_ over there _dethroned_ George! Don't you know what he said the last time we saw that bastard?" Quackity let out screeching chirps of anger as he spoke, glaring furiously at Dream. He tried to shrink into himself, grabbing the edges of the oversized cloak, trying to wrap himself up in it. "Don't blame me when they're chasing him down with torches and pitchforks." He spat out with venom, his wings flapping angrily.

" _Quackity_!" Wilbur gasped in shock, squeezing Dream even further into his chest, trying to cover his ears. "Don't say such things! That is _extremely_ rude! He doesn't even remember anything!" The duck hybrid turned to shoot a glare at Wilbur, hand clenched tightly around the handle of his axe.

"Stay out of it Wilbur, you can't even remember _half_ of the things you did to everyone!" Phil's jaw dropped. Sparks of rage flew around in his chest, then they caught aflame.

"Listen here, _buddy_ , you will _not_ talk to my son like that. It may be true he can't remember much of anything he's done, and neither does Dream, _however,_ that does _not_ give you the right to use it against him _or_ Dream." Phil spoke in a cold, monotone voice, glowering at Quackity. His wings widened behind him, the black feathers creating a terrifying silhouette. The smaller hybrid shrunk in on himself, feeling both insecure and afraid. 

"Please, just stop it guys. We need to discuss this further in a more professional setting," Tubbo looked up at Phil, "Would you be willing to come to L'manburg? Even Ranboo's house will do."

Phil contemplated to himself, turning to both Techno and Wilbur. "What do you guys think?"

"I'm fine with what you want, Phil," Wilbur commented, Techno nodding in agreement.

"Welp," Phil turned to Tubbo, "That settles it. We'll meet you in L'manburg tomorrow, Ranboo's house." Tubbo nodded, holding his hand out for Phil to shake. He stared at his hand then looked back up him. He just smiled and turned away, Techno and Wilbur following. Dream glanced back cautiously, as though Tubbo would follow them back or attack suddenly. He just smiled somberly, waving slightly.

Fundy was silent the entire exchange, Ranboo holding his hand in comfort. His eyes were swollen and red, dried tears all over his cheeks, sniffling every now and then. He watched as his husband floated away from him, glowing delicately as the sun shined down on him from where it stood, farther than anyone could reach. The sight reminded him of their wedding day.

Dream in a flowing, ball gown styled wedding dress, veil falling in a lengthy train behind him, lace framing his laughing face. He had held a beautiful bouquet of yellow flowers in his nimble hands, a wedding ring on his left. He had looked at Fundy with such _love_ and _joy_. At _him_. Dream had been absolutely _ethereal_ that day. His father had looked so proud. When Wilbur was alive he had looked so, _so_ proud.

"Do we tell the others?" Ranboo interrupted Fundy's reminiscing, being brought back to the present. His husband, his _oh so_ beautiful husband, was dead. He had died and Fundy hadn't even noticed he had gone missing until Tubbo asked him if he knew where he was. How could he complain about Dream when he wasn't much better.

"We will, but when Phil arrives tomorrow. We have to discuss it with him since he found Dream in the first place." Tubbo replied, face covered in concern as he looked at Fundy.

Ranboo and Quackity simply nodded, the ladder letting out a series of complaints as the group got back into their boats.

Fundy was silent the entire way home.

* * *

"You're meeting them in L'manburg? Can I come this time? I swear I won't be a bitch when I see him, I _swear_!" Tommy pleaded desperately, his fingers linked together as he followed Phil around the cabin. "I haven't been there in _so long_ , and since Dream is dead there's nothing stopping me! _Please_ , Phil, I won't say anything the entire time if you want, just _please_ let me go!" Phil sighed, turning to face Tommy.

"If I say, 'yes', will you stop bothering me?" Tommy whooped excitedly, running outside towards the turtle farm, probably to tell Techno, Wilbur and Dream about his achievement. Phil chuckled fondly to himself, shaking his head as he watched his son from the window. He could see a Pink blot approaching in the distance, Tommy tumbling straight towards it.

Phil could hear Tommy's shrieking laughter as his older brother just grinned, ruffling his hair roughly. Wilbur seemed to be clapping jovially, encouraging Dream to join him. The ghost participated with him, a look of confusion and amusement on his face as more of Tommy and Wilbur's laughter filled the air.

Phil had been able to tell Tommy missed L'manburg a lot, often spacing out as he stared towards the direction his compass pointed to. He couldn't help snooping a bit when Tommy was asleep, and his heart broke a little when he realised the compass pointed towards Tubbo. He had been planning since they had left the village to bring Tommy along, but he had decided to see just _how much_ Tommy wanted to visit L'manburg. It was adorable how elated he was, already packing his stuff for the journey, even though it would take thirty minutes at most to get to L'manburg through the nether. Of course, that wasn't stopping him from packing whatever his eyes landed on.

"Phil, are you sure this is a good idea? Bringing Tommy along I mean. You know how he is, his pride might get the best of him." Techno muttered, making sure to keep his voice low. Tommy and Wilbur barreled past them and down the ladder, laughing like maniacs, Dream following after in a panic.

"I think it'll be okay, Techno. You'll be there too, you can just restrain him if he does anything rash." Techno nodded, combing his hand through his hair.

"Alright then, I'll trust you on this, dad." Phil grinned happily as Techno shuffled away upstairs to his enchanting room, his ears flushed red. Phil yawned as he stretched out his arms and wings. It had been a long day, with the meeting with Tubbo, the long boat ride, and the horrible ride _back_ , he thought he deserved a good night's rest. But, from the shouting and laughter downstairs and Techno's constant ringing of the bell upstairs, he probably won't be getting much sleep until they're tuckered out too.

Phil only sighed to himself, wearing a loving smile as he tuned out the chaos in the background, staring out into the plain fields of dried grass. The stars looked especially bright tonight, perhaps twinkling with laughter along with Tommy. Perhaps, the stars that wept with Tommy during his exile, laugh now in joy, for the boy can finally see his Tubbo.

* * *

"I'm not going to get shot the moment I step through the portal, am I Phil?" Tommy asked nervously, staring down the swirling purple vortex in front of him.

"For the last time, Tommy, Tubbo has already clarified to Punz that you're allowed in L'manburg now," Phil groaned, "Nobody is going to shoot you or attack you, you'll be just fine. I promise."

Tommy looked back at Phil, his eyes flitting anxiously, "Alright, I trust you, Phil." He smiled softly, placing his hand on Tommy's back.

"Then get going! Techno, Wilbur and Dream are waiting on the other side!" Phil pushed his youngest into the portal, laughing as his cry was cut off by the glassy surface of the portal. He let out a huff as he leapt through the portal, stepping into the overworld. He let out a startled yelp as he nearly landed on Tommy, taking to the air right as he noticed.

"I told you to get up before Phil went through, you're lucky you didn't get curb-stomped." Techno snorted, chuckling as Tommy released a new stream of curse words. Wilbur was standing nearby with Dream, wrapped up in Techno's cape. Did they forget to bring a travelling cloak for Dream?

"Shut up bitch, Phil pushed me through, I can't land correctly if I'm shoved onto my fucking face!" Tommy shouted, standing back up on his feet, dusting his pants. Techno just ignored him in favour of admiring a wanted poster of himself. Tommy looked almost as though he was going to attack Techno, but he froze as the sound of someone's voice broke through the chaos.

"Tommy? Is that really you?" He turned slowly, his hands trembling as he faced them.

"It's been a while, eh, Tubbo?" Tommy let out a howl of pain as he was tackled, wrapping his arms around his childhood friend. "Geez, slow down a little, will ya? I'm still a little sore after landing on my ass." Tubbo let out a giggle, tightening his arms around Tommy further, squeezing him closer.

"I just- I never thought I'd see you again, I- I don't know what to do with myself," Tubbo muttered, trying his best to hold back tears.

Tommy laid a hand on top of Tubbo's head comfortingly, "I'm right here, Tubbo, it's alright now." He let out a sob, burying his face into Tommy's chest, rambling on about something incoherently. Phil watched the interaction, smiling to himself as the two held onto each other like lifelines.

"Sorry to interrupt, but we should probably get back to business." Quackity walked up to the group, waving at Tommy, smiling slightly. "Ranboo and Fundy are waiting, we need to get going before someone spots us."

Tubbo sniffled as he gave Tommy one more squeeze, then reluctantly pulled away from him. "Yeah, we should get going now. Come, I'll lead the way." Tommy followed closely behind Tubbo, both grinning from ear to ear. Phil chuckled, following after the two boys. Techno trailed behind him, trying to keep Dream from running off somewhere. The green ghost held onto Wilbur's sleeve, his eyes sparkled with awe. He had never seen buildings so tall or large, and so many colours surrounded him. He liked it here, in L'manburg, it felt open and warm, like a breeze.

"C'mon Dream, we don't want to fall behind and get lost." Wilbur ushered, trying to keep up with Techno and Phil. Dream nodded blankly, still trying to take in all the sights, sounds and smells. He was practically being dragged along by Wilbur, his attention completely enamoured with the flowers and the large statues.

"Just inside here. Sorry about the lack of furniture, Ranboo usually doesn't stay here too long." Tubbo opened the door, holding it open for the rest of the group to go in first. Dream peered in curiously, letting Techno's cape fall from his head to hang around his shoulder's loosely. It trailed behind him as he entered the small home. It wasn't that different from the cabin back home, just a lot more space.

"Now," Tubbo began, "What we'd like to know is, how did Dream pass away?"

"Well, from my and Techno's observations and analyzing Dream's memory notebook, he most likely died from hypothermia, dehydration, starvation or all three," Phil answered solemnly. Fundy gagged, quietly behind Tubbo, trying not to look at Dream. Said ghost peered over Techno's shoulder, staring at Fundy's ears and tail in interest.

Tubbo cleared his throat, loosening his tie slightly, "Have you recovered his body yet?"

Phil shook his head, "His body has probably decomposed by now, especially with all this heat." Tubbo nodded, motioning for Ranboo to write it down in his notebook he had pulled out randomly. "Any more questions?"

"What does he remember?" Tubbo's voice cracked a bit.

"He doesn't remember anything beyond being sorry for something when he died. He might recall George and Sapnap, but other than that he's pretty much as clueless as a new member of the SMP." Tommy cut off Phil, wanting to participate in some kind of way. They all sighed, excluding Wilbur and Dream who stood off the side. They were staring out the window, Wilbur pointing at different statues and buildings, explaining the history behind them. Dream listened with delight, giggling every time Wilbur mentioned something funny.

"So, what you're saying is that Dream pretty much remembers zilch?" Quackity asked, rubbing his temples with his fingertips.

"Yes, unfortunately." Tubbo stroked his chin contemplatively, squinting as he racked his brain for... _something_.

"What I'm getting from this, is that he could recognise George and Sapnap?" Phil took his time to contemplate the answer, arriving at his answer hesitantly.

"Well, logically, there is a chance he could recognise them," Phil held up a finger, "But, from what Quackity was saying yesterday, he'll react negatively if- _if_ , he does recognise them." Tubbo let out a little, 'oh', glancing at Quackity. Phil could feel Techno slightly shuffle closer, his hand twitching by his side. He looked up at Techno, giving him a pointed look.

"Could... could I take him out? Just to show him L'manburg." Fundy blurted meekly, his ears flattened against his head, tail hung low. Phil's eyebrows shot up in surprise. He thought Fundy wouldn't want to be around Dream, because, you know, a dead husband and all.

"I don't see a reason why not," Tommy said, nudging Techno with his elbow.

"What? Oh, yeah, go ahead, he'll enjoy it." Phil held in a chuckle, clearing his throat as his stern expression returned.

"That's fine with me, as long as you bring-"

"Can Wilbur stay with you? I just- I just want to make it up to Dream as a spouse. I just feel like I abandoned him when he needed me most, you know?" Fundy chuckled bitterly, "So, please. Can it just be me and Dream?" Phil stared the fox hybrid down for a few, suffocating moments, analyzing him and his body language. Phil relented, smiling sadly at Fundy. He stood up, nodding.

"Sure, bud. Just, bring him back in one piece." Phil nodded towards Quackity, Tubbo and Ranboo, "I'll be waiting in my old house, so when you're done just go straight there, no detours." Fundy nodded quickly.

"Thank you, Phil." The avian hybrid just smiled once more, then turned and left, Techno and Tommy following after, Wilbur being dragged along by the latter. Dream stood by the window, panic starting to set in as everyone stared at him.

"We'll be going now Fundy, make sure not get caught by anyone." Tubbo and his remaining cabinet members left the house swiftly, leaving the- once?- married couple alone together. An awkward silence draped over the two of them. Fundy hadn't planned ahead for this, he had been expecting Phil to just say no then leave. Dream stared at him- or more accurately- his ears and tails, his hands reaching out as though to grab them.

Fundy yelped as Dream's hand brushed against his ear, the chill of his hand nearly made Fundy jump out of his own skin. The hybrid calmed himself down, leaning his head towards Dream, signalling it was okay to touch his ears.

"Thank you," Dream whispered, gently scratching his scalp and behind his ears. Fundy let out a pleased noise, remembering all the times Dream would beg him to let him touch his ears. He would always submit to his wants _every single time_. He missed those days, where Fundy would just lay his head down on Dream's lap, drifting off to sleep as he played with his hair and ears.

Dream pulled his hand away slowly, visibly more comfortable around Fundy than before. He smiled, his eyes shimmering slightly.

"Where do you wanna go first, Dream?"

* * *


	5. all my troubles on a burning pile, all lit up and i start to smile

Dream giggled as a stray cat nudged his foot, the cat letting out a yowl as frost-covered its nose. Fundy smiled, leaning down to pet the brown cat, scratching underneath its chin as it purred. They sat together on the edge of L'manburg, careful not to go too far in fear of Phil becoming upset with them.

Dream had multiple flowers placed in his hair, a small lock of his dirty blonde- nearly brown- hair braided partially. He giggled again as the cat flipped onto it's back, paws flying out to swat at a strand of his hair, purring loudly as it did so. "L'manburg is really pretty, there are a lot of different colours." Dream commented, plucking another flower from the ground, careful not to pull out the roots.

Fundy chuckled as the stray cat lunged for the flower in Dream's hand playfully. "Well, you do live in a snowy biome, I doubt there would be many colours besides Technoblade's pink hair." Dream let out a yelp as the cat scratched at his hand, obviously not injuring him, just startling him. Fundy burst into laughter as Dream attempted to scold the cat, poking its nose gently, a new layer of frost covering its black nose. It let out another yowl of protest, rubbing at its nose furiously. Dream wheezed, desperately trying to catch his breath.

"I hope you're having fun from the way you sound like a tea kettle," Fundy said, smiling lovingly.

Dream smiled back, "Yeah! I'm having a great time! Love you, Fundy!" He exclaimed, having become used to telling everyone else part of the Arctic Commune, 'Love you'. Fundy froze, eyes searching Dream's expression, analyzing his emotions. He smiled solemnly, hand reaching out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind Dream's ear.

"Yeah, that's good. I love you too, Dream." The ghost beamed at Fundy. He laughed again as the cat struggled to escape from underneath his leg. It had tried to shove itself underneath Dream's leg, hoping to swat at the loose pieces of fabric from holes in his jeans.

"Can we name the cat, Fundy?" Dream asked hopefully, flashing puppy eyes towards the fox hybrid. He shuffled on his knees closer towards Fundy, the cat held in his arms. He leaned in close to Fundy, their noses mere inches from each other. "Can I keep the cat, Fundy? Please?" Dream pouted, trying to pull his best, 'kicked-puppy' look. Fundy could feel his face flush with heat, his ears pressing close against his head. His tail swished uncontrollably behind him, hitting against a flower irritatingly.

"Uh," Fundy brought his hand up to cover his face, shifting his eyes away from Dream. "Y-yeah, of course, you're choice, Dream." The ghost let out a cheer, hugging the cat closely to himself. The mewled adorably, nuzzling its face into Dream's neck, recoiling after frost clung to its nose, _again_.

Dream giggled, bringing the cat up to nuzzle against its face. _Shit_ , Dream was _so_ fucking _cute_ -

"I like the name, Patches! What do you think Fundy?" Fundy stumbled over his words, scolding himself in his head. He couldn't form any words in his mouth, instead opting to just nod, giving Dream a thumbs-up of approval. He grinned, "That's good. I should probably check what Patches' gender is, though." He turned Patches over onto it's back, peeking towards its nether regions.

"Is Patches a boy or a girl?" Fundy asked, unable to tell himself.

"Patches is a girl!" Dream giggled excitedly, "That means she can have kittens, right?" He looked up at Fundy for confirmation, eyes glittering happily.

"Yeah, if she's fertile, she can have kittens." Dream squealed in delight, "You don't plan on taking care of _more_ cats, do you?" Fundy asked, a joking worry lacing his voice.

"Of course not, she'll be living in the cabin with me, Wilbur, Phil, Techno, and Tommy." Dream pet Patches' back, scratching behind her ears gently, "Plus, there's Friend, and Techno's other pets, too. There'll be no space to have any more entities in the cabin." He pouted, playing with Patches' tail, swirling it around his finger.

Fundy smiled, "I'm sure Patches' kittens would've been adorable." Dream grinned slyly, wigging his eyebrows at Fundy suggestively.

"What about you, Fundy? What would _your_ kits look like?" The fox hybrid gasped, face turning a shade of bright red almost _immediately_. He stuttered as he attempted to recover himself, ears twitching, tail swinging every-which-way. Dream wheezed as Fundy scrambled to gather his composure, clapping his hands habitually. Fundy growled playfully, trying to play off his embarrassment nonchalantly.

"Fundy, have you seen Tubbo? I've been looking all over L'manburg, but I can't-" Fundy threw himself in front of Dream, trying his best to cover him with his slightly smaller frame, his ears making up for the height difference. Punz had climbed the hill as silently as possible, so as to startle Fundy as a small prank. What he hadn't been expecting was to find his closest friend and ally, with the fox hybrid he had only come to ask for the whereabouts of the president of L'manburg. _And_ , he was fucking dead.

"Punz, before you say anything, you _need_ to promise, _swear_ on it, that you won't tell George or Sapnap what you've seen," Fundy spoke quietly, trying to keep his voice low. Dream peeked out from behind Fundy, staring cautiously from behind his tail. Punz nodded, his expression twisted in confusion, slightly dazed as well. Punz rubbed his eyes roughly, little lights twinkling behind his eyelids. He opened his eyes, squinting at Dream, trying to make sure he wasn't hallucinating anything.

"What the _fuck_ is this? Why is Dream a ghost?" Punz laughed anxiously, "Am I dreaming, Fundy?" 

"You're awake, Punz, Dream is really a ghost." Fundy looked away from Punz, keeping Dream safely out of view of his gaze. Punz let out a hysterical cackle, leaning over on his knees. He fell backwards onto his ass, holding his head in his hands. His shoulders shook uncontrollably, his entire body trembling. Fundy couldn't tell whether it was because he was still laughing in shock or if he was ugly crying.

Punz brought his head back up, eyes bloodshot. "What the fuck happened? Why- what- who did this to him?" He stuttered horribly, trying to keep himself from just completely _breaking_ in front of Fundy and Dream. The fox hybrid awkwardly sat where he was, not knowing how to comfort Punz.

Unexpectedly, Dream got up from his hiding place behind Fundy's back, going over to Punz, a flower in his hands.

"I know it's sad that I died, but I'm somewhat still here, aren't I?" Dream wrapped his arms around Punz's shoulders, trying his best to will himself to be warm. As Punz's sniffling minimalized, he untangled himself from his legs and reached an arm around to grip the back of Dream's hoodie, searching for something to anchor himself with. Fundy attempted to motion Dream to come back to him, paranoid that someone might've followed after Punz. _Shit_ , Phil and Tubbo were going to kill him.

Dream didn't notice Fundy's frantic waving, instead, he continued to embrace Punz. He suddenly felt extremely overwhelmed by different emotions. He wanted to get on his knees and apologise, and at the same time, he wanted to laugh with joy. He felt angry at himself; he didn't have the right to comfort Punz, it's his fault he's sad. He shouldn't have died, he should've stopped being a fuck up, he should've sucked it up- but he doesn't _remember_ what. He couldn't stop himself from letting out a small whimper, removing one of his arms so he could move the mask back over his face. He shouldn't be so _weak_ like this, it's all his fault so he shouldn't be crying-

_But what did he do_? He didn't remember doing anything bad. _Fuck_ , he's so stupid- _I'm sorry_ \- it's all his fault, all his fault, all his-

" _Dream_!" He could hear someone calling his name- or was it his name? He couldn't see anything behind the mask, all he could see was snow. It was dark and cold, there was just _snow_. Dream tried to call out for help, but his throat burned too much to even let out a hoarse whine. He was so, _so_ thirsty, and so very hungry. His stomach felt as though it was eating itself. He tried to run, but he couldn't move his legs. He looked down at himself, and his feet were frozen to the ground. He tried to move his arms, maybe he could eat some snow to quench his thirst, but he couldn't move them either. His arms were frozen to his sides, and it hurt every time he tried to break free from the ice, his skin stretching to the tipping point of ripping apart.

" _Dream! Come back!_ "

_Huh_? But he never moved? How could he come back if he can't move away? He was so confused.

_I miss Wilbur. I want Wilbur._ He could move now. So, he ran. He ran as fast as he could, dodging mobs that spawned randomly in front of him, his eyes searching for the cabin, _his home_. He could feel his tears freezing to his face, but he couldn't be bothered to wipe them, they'd just freeze again. He caught a glimpse of smoke in the distance.

_Wilbur_...!

Dream reached the door to the cabin, and he slammed it open, stepping inside. The door shut automatically behind him. _Huh? I don't remember the doors doing that_. He disregarded the detail, proceeding to look around the cabin, trying to find Wilbur- _anybody_ , really- but he couldn't find anyone. They were all gone.

_They left you_.

No, they wouldn't leave him. They would never leave him. They were his friends- his family.

_No. You're a stranger that forced themselves into_ their _family. They don't consider you family, and they_ never _will._

He didn't even know who he was talking to, there was nobody in the cabin except for him. He shouldn't listen to any baseless lies. Wilbur told him he's family, and Wilbur would never lie. He wouldn't... right?

_You bother them. Tommy didn't want you there, Technoblade didn't want you there, Phil didn't want you there, Wilbur was only pretending. You were the one who made up all these false truths. You've ruined their family._

Tommy yelled at him when he met him, he was really angry with him. Techno couldn't even _stand_ to be in the same room as him without being painfully awkward and stiff. Phil had looked at him like he was a rodent. Wilbur had cringed when he touched him like he was dirtying him. They didn't like him-

_You lied to yourself, Dream. You convinced yourself that they loved you, but they_ loathe _your entire being. It's all your fault._

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry-

_It's all your fault, your fault, your fault, your fault, your fault yourfaultyoufaultyourfaultyourfault-_

He let out a pained scream. He fell to the ground on his knees, pressing his head into the ground. His hand gripped his mask tightly, pressing it over his face securely. He let out scream after scream after scream, his throat screaming in protest with him, his vocal cords nearly tearing apart. His entire body _burned_ , he felt as though he was lit on fire, bathing in lava, being hit by ablaze. He deserved this pain, it was his fault.

_All his fault_.

* * *

"Dream! _Shit_ , where the fuck is he going?" Punz collapsed onto the ground, panting, trying to catch his breath. Fundy arrived just behind him. He wasn't panting as hard as Punz, actually looking rather fine for someone who just sprinted nearly three-quarters of a mile after a panicking ghost.

"I don't know, he could be going anywhere in that general direction." Fundy squinted into the distance, taking off his hat. "We need to get the others to help search for him. Who knows what might happen if he's gone for too long." Punz nodded in agreement, already getting back up onto his feet. Dream needed his help, and _not_ for war this time. He needs to provide it for his friend as best as he could.

Fundy went ahead, not bothering to turn to make sure Punz was following him. He knew he was already. He ran straight towards Phil's house- him being able to fly would help significantly with the search for Dream. He would be with Techno and Tommy, with Wilbur as well. Techno had every nook and cranny of the SMP memorized, he could go places nobody even remembered existed. Tommy, he has pretty good endurance, he could go long distances if it's needed. Wilbur can understand Dream better than anybody else at the moment- if Dream is having a panic attack, Wilbur will be able to comfort him and calm him down.

Fundy came to a screeching halt in front of Phil's old house. He proceeded to slam the door open, startling everybody inside.

Tubbo's brow furrowed in concern, "Fundy, what's going on?"

"Dream ran off, and now Punz and I don't know where he's gone!" Fundy yelled, the panic now settling in his chest. What if something happens to him? What if someone finds him and scares him off even further away? _What if-_

"Fundy!" The fox hybrid blinked rapidly, staring at his grandfather in confusion. Phil had a death grip on his shoulders, shaking him slightly. "Fundy, I need to know which direction he went in. _Now_." He spoke calmly, his tone stern.

Fundy looked over his shoulder, his hand trembling as he pointed. "He ran that way, but he might've-" Fundy couldn't finish his sentence. Phil was already taking to the air, going at speeds and heights he could only _imagine_ of ever reaching. Techno and Tommy followed suit, pushing past their nephew to follow their father. Wilbur scrambled after them as well, smiling at his only son as he passed him by.

"Thank you for coming to us so quickly, son." Wilbur was out the door, shouting for Tommy to wait for him. Tubbo walked up to him as Punz finally arrived, panting even heavier than before. He mumbled something about foxes and stamina under his breath as he leaned against the doorway for support.

"I'll go get Quackity, you take Punz with you and we can split into pairs," Tubbo ordered. Fundy nodded obediently, having gotten over his panic. Punz groaned as Fundy turned back around, already rested enough to start sprinting again.

Fundy gave a Punz a pointed look, "I know, I know, I just got here is all." He turned around again, jogging in the same direction as the other four. Fundy trailed behind, looking for any tracks Dream could've left behind. He looked for any spots with large amounts of dew, following the dark, wet spots in the wooden pathways. He could see Phil's shadow floating by occasionally, dancing across the grass and paths.

"Fundy! Come over to the community house! Techno found him!" Punz shouted from a hill, signalling frantically. Fundy ran after Punz, who disappeared from view as he turned to the other side. He leapt up the hill, landing skillfully on the other side, bending his knees as he hit the ground _hard_. He probably sprained something, but Dream was his first priority at the moment. Fundy ran as fast as he could on a sprained ankle, pain flaring up his leg to his hip every time he took a step. He winced as he stopped behind Punz, not yet noticing the mess in front of him.

He looked up, and his jaw _dropped_.

"Holy _shit_." Fundy stared up in awe, eyes straining from the contrast in lighting. Clouds swirled directly above the community house. They were stormy grey, violently churning as snow rained down in white, blinding flurries. Techno and Tommy were digging away the piled snow in front of the door, shovelling without rest as the flurries continued to rain down in tons. The windows were frozen over, a thick layer of packed ice protecting the glass from being broken into. Phil and Tubbo were trying to break through with their pickaxes, their hands red and swollen from the constant howling wind that seemed to only affect the community house and nowhere else. Wilbur stood a safe distance, his right hand slowly regenerating from its half-melted state. Punz stood in front of Fundy, shivering in his thin hoodie, staring in horror as the community house was further buried in the ice and snow, the wind nipping at his cheeks as it worsened further.

"This is _really_ bad, Fundy," Punz muttered, "Everyone else is gonna see this and come here, then they'll see _Dream_ , and that won't be good for _anyone_." Fundy nodded in agreement, letting out a hiss of pain as he shifted his weight onto his injured ankle. Punz helped him sit down a little further away from the community house, taking a bit of ice wrapped in cow leather to help lessen the swelling and pain.

"We need to get this under control before shit hits the fan." Fundy growled with frustration, "How the fuck did this happen? Dream was fine an hour ago, but now he's... doing that." He sighed, gripping the makeshift ice pack tightly in his clenched fist.

"It's my fault, I should've left the moment I saw Dream. He wouldn't have ran away if _I_ just hadn't shown up." Punz degraded himself, furiously wiping away tears that threatened to spill over his frostbitten cheeks. Fundy sat silently, neither denying nor confirming whether what Punz had said was true or not. They watched as Phil and Tubbo gave up on trying to break through the windows, instead going to join Techno and Tommy in their attempt to dig away the barricade of snow in front of the door. With all four of them combined, the wall of snow was actually shrinking in size instead of growing. All of their hands were nearly purple from the cold, noses and ears the exact same hue. Wilbur cheered for them energetically, filling them with determination. They all let out a cry as they gave a massive push into the door, breaking the layer of ice that sealed it closed.

Fundy and Punz's eyes widened with shock as even more wind and snow hurled down from the clouds and from inside the community house, nearly throwing Tubbo onto the ground with the force. The inside of the community house was completely covered in ice, everything frozen over. From the chests to the stairs, to the floors and the plants, everything was covered completely in ice. Fundy forced himself onto his legs, limping into the fray of the storm. Punz chased after him, throwing his arm over his shoulder to be used as a crutch for the limping Fundy.

"Dream? Dream, you in there mate?" Phil called into the storm, looking for the green ghost. He took a small step inside, trying to squint against the wind and snow that smashed against his face and eyes, catching- annoyingly- on his eyelashes. He was going to go half-blind by the end of this.

"Phil, over there." Techno gestured, trying to be as silent as possible. Although, Fundy didn't find it very necessary when the howling of the wind was louder than his own thoughts.

Dream was curled up in the fetal position on his knees, hands gripping his mask, pressing it against his face _so_ closely that it _had_ to be rather painful on his nose. His hair was nearly white with how covered it was in snow and ice, splaying out around him like petals. His once green hoodie was nearly completely grey, only a few spots of green remaining on the fabric. His shoulders shook, and he would shake his head in disagreement every few seconds, but Phil couldn't hear him over the constant screaming of the wind.

_Screaming_.

"What the _hell_ is going on right now?" They all turned around to see Sam approaching, his usual creeper mask on. He stood over the group intimidatingly, motioning towards the large storm they all stood on the edge of.

Tubbo laughed nervously, "Well, you see, Dream died after going missing and lived with Technoblade for a long time, then when he came back he had a breakdown. Now, he's inside the community house and freezing it and shit." Sam stood blankly, body frozen, similarly to the windows, in shock. He seemed to snap out of it, and he turned and ran away, probably needing a breather to calm down.

" _Jesus Christ_ , we need to calm him down soon or else more people are gonna show up after spotting the mini hurricane happening here!" Techno shouted against the wind, already taking steps against the constant pushing of the wind, his cape flapping wildly behind him. Tommy was shielding himself behind the largely built frame of Techno's. Phil used his wings to block out some of the snow and wind, Tubbo tucked tightly against his side. As the group approached Dream, the closer and closer they got the better they could understand what noises Dream was making, along with his constant mumbling, which they attempted to decipher.

"Dream! Please, stop this storm! You're going to end up hurting yourself more than you're hurting the others!" Phil reached out for Dream, his hand braving against the cold temperatures that nipped horribly at his skin. He gently placed a hand on Dream's shoulder, trying his best to ignore the burning pain in his hand and fingers. He gently caressed his shoulder, trying to be as gentle as possible with the ghost. He didn't really know how to comfort Dream, usually letting Wilbur do all the work of calming him down whenever he lost control of his emotions.

_Shit_ , it felt like he was rubbing molten lava with how much it _burned_.

"What the fuck going on here? Sam to me to come here saying Quackity needed me." Everyone, including Dream, froze at the familiarity of the voice. Fundy and Punz turned around to Face Sapnap, who stood directly behind them with his arms crossed. He was visibly irritated with both the freak storm _and_ the fact his fiancé was _not_ with them.

"He said that... _Dream_ was back. Is that true? Is that manipulative asshole _actually_ back?"

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the positive feedback, I'll be trying my best to get chapters out faster : ]
> 
> (Elsa Dream??)


	6. tell me again why is it i never can do anything right?

Fundy snarled at Sapnap, "If you still hate Dream _so_ much, why'd you even fucking come here in the first place." He scoffed, opening his mouth to make a snide remark.

"Look," Punz glared at both Sapnap and Fundy, "Save your relationship drama for _after_ we get Dream under control. Right now, he just needs support from you, Fundy. And, Sapnap, just shut the fuck up and leave if you're not going to be helpful." Fundy sighed, opting to just look away from the infuriating man standing behind him. His attention was quickly taken by the way Phil's hand seemed to be covered in a layer of frost. The avian hybrid's eyes were screwed shut in pain, gritting his teeth painfully tight. Phil continued to lay his hand on Dream's back either way, brushing off Techno's concerned pawing.

"Wait, but _actually_ , what's going on? When could Dream do this?" Sapnap asked face skewed in an expression of confusion and anxiety. The two in front of Sapnap ignored him. "Hello? Will anyone answer my question?" Fundy's tail twitched, probably in irritation. The fox hybrid leaned in closer to Punz, whispering something into his ear. Punz nodded, slowly moving further into the community house, Fundy limping alongside him. Sapnap, trailed behind them, trying to look around them to see inside.

"Dream? Dream, c'mon, let's go home, alright? I'm right here with you." Phil choked out, the skin on his knuckles having split from the amount of frost that had crawled onto his hand. Techno was trying to convince Phil to let go, to at least wrap it with gauze, but he continuously rejected his constant offers.

"Phil, please, it'll just be for a minute, your hand is literally _bleeding_ from the cold." Techno was practically _begging_ now, Tommy silently standing next to him. Phil ignored Techno's pleas, instead focusing on calming Dream down. The ghost had _refused_ to even look at him, letting out wisp-like screams. It was probably painful just to let out a whimper. Phil couldn't understand how this could've happened- _just how_ did Dream go from being his usual playful self to ripping apart his vocal cords from how much he screamed, creating a mini-snow storm as he did.

Another detail that Phil noted; Dream usually didn't have his mask on anymore, _but now_ , he was hanging onto it like it was his only lifeline. Phil sighed, shifting his weight, trying to get feeling back in his legs. He had been kneeling next to Dream for the past fifteen minutes in the middle of a blizzard with only his Antarctic commune clothing on. He was lucky he hadn't gotten hypothermia yet. Frostbite wasn't a problem, he could just drink a healing potion, hypothermia was another matter. Healing potions, for some reason, don't work with illnesses, only physical wounds.

"Dream, I know that you're going through a lot of emotions right now, but Wilbur really wants to see you, and he can't with all the snow." Phil smiled as Dream's screams stopped, leaving just his haggard breathing.

"Wilbur... He wants to see me?" Dream whispered, his voice rough like gravel.

"Yup. He's actually waiting outside. He's very worried, and he really wants to give you a hug." Phil slowly coaxed Dream up from his fetal position on the floor, holding him up by his shoulders as he sat back on his heels. Dream turned to look at Phil, the mask smiling blankly at him. Phil decided at that moment; he _really_ didn't like that mask.

"You... you're not _lying_ , right?" Dream asked meekly, fiddling with the hem of his hoodie.

Phil shook his head, "I'm not lying, Dream. Everyone here is _really_ worried about you." Dream looked down at his hands. They were shaking horribly. He looked back up at Phil, then nodded, standing back up on his feet. Phil gave him his hand, the one that wasn't bleeding, and lead him out of the community house, draping his right-wing over Dream to shield him from everyone's gazes. Techno and Tommy glanced at each other, then back at Phil. Then they followed silently, small smiles gracing their faces.

The blizzard had finally stopped, leaving the community house in shambles. The snow and ice were quickly melting, giving everything a fresh coat of dew. Fundy sighed in relief, chuckling as he noticed Tubbo was grinning from ear to ear. Punz had a relieved expression on his face, tears making his eyes glossy. Wilbur hurriedly ran up to Phil and Dream, tackling the younger _immediately_. Dream was nearly knocked to the ground, letting out a tiny yelp of surprise. Wilbur was laughing, radiating pure joy.

"You're okay!" Wilbur pulled back to look at Dream, holding him as arm's length. "You're okay." His face twisted in confusion as Dream trembled in his grasp, letting out little sniffles. Wilbur opened his mouth to ask what was wrong but was cut off by Dream wrapping his arms around his waist, burying his face into his neck. Dream had removed his mask entirely in one, swift movement, leaving it lying on the ground staring up at the sky. Dream's hair was back to its natural dirty blonde, wet from the melted snow and ice that had covered it before. His hoodie was slowly turning back to its vibrant green.

Wilbur held Dream tightly, ignoring the slight ache in his neck from the tears that fell onto his skin. Everyone was silent as Wilbur and Dream hugged tightly, little sizzling noises coming From Wilbur occasionally. The silence was disrupted by a single question.

" _Is that you, Dream?_ "

Sapnap had been watching in horror, as his former best friend exited the community house, as a _ghost_. To think, he had _just_ been badmouthing Dream a couple of minutes beforehand. Now, one half of his brain told him to run to him, to hug him, apologise, comfort him, while the other told him he _deserved_ this. For all he did, to Tommy, to George, to _him_. He didn't want to move on, he didn't want to forgive Dream, but how could he continue to hate him, to think such _despicable_ things about him, when he was standing there, _sobbing_. And from what he learned about Wilbur, he might not even remember what he did.

Dream looked up at Sapnap, wiping his tears as best as he could. He could feel a sense of familiarity like he was safe around this guy, but at the same time he wanted to run away again, he wanted to apologise, he wanted to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness. He _could not_ handle this much emotion again. Dream's breathing quickened sharply, he had started to hyperventilate. Wilbur pushed his head back into his shoulder, turning to look at Sapnap with a strained, polite smile.

"Sorry, Sapnap, Dream can't really handle any questions at the moment. We'll come back when he's comfortable again, alright?" From the look in Wilbur's eyes, Sapnap knew he wasn't giving him room to negotiate or protest.

"But- I can't- but what about George?" Sapnap stuttered, trying to keep Dream here _desperately_. Wilbur looked towards Phil. The avian hybrid glared at Sapnap, his body language showing blatant hostility.

"Just go blab to George. It's not like you would've been able to keep it a secret until next time _anyway_." Phil spat, venom dripping from his words. Sapnap clenched his fists until his nails drew blood, trying to keep his temper in check. He _knows_ he's not in the position to be saying anything, he _knows_ he shouldn't even _know_ in the first place, and yet, he still felt he was obligated to have _some_ time with Dream alone.

"I just want to be able to _talk_ to-"

"We _all_ know you wouldn't be able to go a _minute_ without saying something over the line, Sapnap. You _just_ saw what happened, who knows what worse things could happen if you send him into a panic attack." Tommy interrupted, pointing an accusing finger at Sapnap. "Don't act like we have an obligation to let you speak to Dream, _dickhead_." Sapnap charged at Tommy, pulling out a sword from his weapon belt. Techno stepped into Sapnap's path, sword at the ready. He easily deflected Sapnap's strike, causing his to fall back onto his ass humiliatingly.

Sapnap cussed, scrambling to get back onto his feet. He froze as Techno's shadow loomed over him intimidatingly. "Don't get back up if you know what's good for you." He threatened. Sapnap couldn't help the chill he felt go through his bones. Techno's eyes were a piercing red, constantly analyzing you, always cautious, and yet so nonchalant. Those eyes were staring right into Sapnap's _soul_.

"I'm- I'm Dream's _best friend_ -" Techno held the tip of the sword against Sapnap's throat, expression dangerously calm. The multiple enchantments made the sword _extremely_ sharp, and just the slightest graze had cut Sapnap's skin. Adding fire aspect, that slight cut, the single drop of blood that rolled down his neck, was what lit the spark. Sapnap screamed in agony as he was lit on fire in an _instant_. He scrambled to open his bag, verbally thanking the prime gods for making it fire resistant. He pulled out multiple golden apples, barely chewing as he bit into each one with a desperate fervour. The effect of the golden apples was instant, the pain washing away as the flame simply danced millimetres _above_ his skin. Sapnap's armour had saved him from any severe burns, but he still had a few he would need to attend to when he got back home in El Rapids. And a lot of explaining to Karl and Quackity.

"Shut up. We're going to leave now, and don't think about following us. Bye." Techno elegantly spun his sword, purposely close to Sapnap's face, making him flinch away, then walked away. Sapnap was left laying on the ground, trembling in anger, grief, and fear. He would've pissed himself if he wasn't already used to Techno's terrifying gaze and deadly precision.

Dream- who's face had been buried in Wilbur's shoulder the entire time- flinched when he felt Techno's hand brush against his hair. Techno's hand instantly recoiled, worry set in his voice.

"Did I scare you, Dream? I'm sorry about that, I'll take you for a ride on Carl when we get home, how's that sound?" Techno reached out again, much more slowly this time. Dream didn't flinch this time, instead, he leaned into Techno's hand. Dream nodded a little after the silence stretched out for a little _too_ long, removing himself from Wilbur's grasp to look at Techno. He peeked around Techno, trying to see this, 'Sapnap', character. He had claimed to be Dream's best friend, but by everyone's reaction, maybe he wasn't a very good best friend. Wilbur was his best friend anyway. Dream bit the inside of his cheek as guilt panged in his chest. Why was he feeling guilty? It was true, Wilbur is his best friend, not this, 'Sapnap', person who nobody seemed to like.

Phil noticed Dream's gaze, scowling as his eyes fell back on Sapnap. He tapped on Dream's shoulder gently, so as to not startle him. "You don't need to mind him, Dream. Until you've got your emotions in order and some more of your memories back, _then_ we'll come back and have a chat with him, yeah?" Dream looked back at Phil, then back at Sapnap, still sitting on the ground, eyes glued to the ground.

"Alright." Dream looked up at Wilbur, who held Dream's hands in his own. "Can we go home now, Wilbur? I'm tired." The yellow-clad ghost nodded merrily, dragging Dream back into another hug. Dream floated above the ground a couple of inches, so he could stay in Wilbur's hold and not stumble every three seconds. Phil chuckled quietly as he watched Wilbur hold Dream, lugging him around like some kind of large balloon. The three walked ahead, headed toward the nether portal.

Techno glanced back at Sapnap one more time, then jogged to catch up with Phil, who was beckoning him and Tommy. Tommy glared at Sapnap, and if looks could kill, Sapnap would've lost all three canon lives by now.

"Tommy! Get your ass over here, mate!" Phil shouted. Wilbur was waving at Tommy, the other arm still securely wrapped around Dream's waist. Tommy shouted back, 'I'm coming!', running back towards his family, giving Tubbo a hug as he ran by. The president seemed kind of out of it, surprised out of his daze when Tommy had briefly hugged him. Sapnap watched as the ex-exiled teen laugh as he caught up to Techno and Phil. Wilbur and Dream had disappeared just a few moments ago, most likely already waiting at the portal. Sapnap felt- as he watched the three of them smile at each other- as though he was watching himself, Dream and George. Back during the early days of the SMP, without the drama, without wars, just best friends starting a town together with even more shared friends. When they just had fun, instead of being forced to pick sides and betray each other.

He really missed those days.

* * *

After they all arrived back at the cabin, Techno had taken Dream for a ride around the forest on Carl as he promised, which Dream had already forgotten. Wilbur didn't let go of Dream _once_ , hanging onto him like a koala cub would do to its mother. Except, it was more like the mother won't let go of the child. Phil didn't ask questions, he just smiled and let Dream take his time getting back into his usual rhythm, Tommy following his actions. 

Dream had missed the cabin _dearly_ , even though he was just there a couple of hours ago. He was able to get some alone time to himself with the help of Phil and Tommy, who were distracting Wilbur from Dream. He was sat outside on the porch, staring up at the black sky, white freckles scattered across the large expanse above him. The clouds were nowhere to be seen, letting the moon shine brightly down onto the thin patches of snow that still remained. The moon seemed to be smiling down on Dream, with the crescent shape it took. Dream, unconsciously, smiled back, reaching his hand up as though he could snatch the stars and the moon out of the sky for his own selfish desires. Dream lied back against the plank flooring of the porch, closing his eyes as he listened to the tiny whispers of a breeze run by.

He remembered, he didn't like the night very much. In fact, he was pretty sure he _hated_ the night time. Dream couldn't remember exactly why, but he couldn't see what kind of reason would be sufficient when the moon and stars were so _pretty_.

" _You shouldn't be lying around all_ happy _like that. You shouldn't be happy._ " Dream's smile faltered. He sighed as he sat back up, coming face to face with himself. They wore his mask, but instead of smiling, it was frowning.

"Well, I'm sure not happy after seeing you again." Other-Dream laughed creepily, echoing even though they were in an open space.

" _That's the whole point of my existence._ You _created me to keep you from being happy, to let you know the truth_." Other-Dream stood there, barefoot in the snow, just staring up at Dream. " _They'll figure it out soon, you know. That you_ -"

"It'd be nice if you could just _shut up_." Dream cut off the other-Dream, a deep scowl on his face. "I don't know what you're talking about, so just leave me alone already." Other-Dream shook violently as Dream got up to go back inside the Cabin, brushing himself off with a huff.

" _Remember what you did to Tommy, you monster_!" Other-dream screeched at him, masking slowly cracking down the middle as his screeches got louder. Dream covered his ears immediately, wincing as his ears ached with every noise. " _You remember, don't you? Don't pretend you don't remember, Dream._ " He scrambled to back away as other-Dream began to step towards him, climbing up the stairs of the porch slowly.

"Get away from me! I don't know what you're talking about! Just, leave me _alone_!" Dream pleaded eyes screwed shut as other-Dream made it up the last step.

" _Remember, you monster._ " He was trembling, focusing his eyes on the ground in front of him. Dream froze as other-Dream's feet came into his peripheral vision. He forced himself to be still and silent, trying his best to act like other-Dream wasn't real.

He flinched as other-Dream dropped their mask in front of him, shattering it into millions of pieces. Dream looked up at other-Dream, hoping to see what their face looked like. He nearly screamed in terror as all he was met with was a black, empty space carved out where their face should be.

"Dream? You still out there?" Phil poked his head outside the door, looking from side to side before looking down. Dream was leaning against the other door limply, face still pale with terror. Phil smiled, concern etched into his expression. "You alright, Dream?"

Dream took a few seconds to register the question in his brain, then he nodded. "Y-yeah, I'm fine, Phil, I just need to rest some more inside." Phil held out a hand for Dream to take, not looking the slightest convinced by Dream's horrible answer.

Dream sucked it up, then grinned as widely as his face and mouth would let him.

"I'm fine, Phil, I promise."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just got done watching a horror movie and my severe paranoia will not let me live : ]  
> and sorry that the chapter is shorter than usual, i just wanted to get something out before my motivation disappears on me again


	7. wasting time around my head so i talk to myself instead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Other-Dream isn't actually Nightmare, it's more just me self-projecting on Dream. Other-Dream is actually just a hallucination, a sort of personification of himself. He's just a sad motherfucker (I'm a sad, schizophrenic mother fucker) who can't help think he's unloved and hated by everyone he knows, so much so he hallucinated another version of himself to tell him that every two seconds : ]

Dream had been trying his best for the past week. He'd been trying to endure the mocking looks he'd get every time he looked out the corner of his eye. The other version of himself hadn't left when Phil opened the door, they _followed_ his back inside to torment him further. Dream tried to pretend like there wasn't something hovering over his shoulder every second of the day, trying to reassure Wilbur and Phil that everything was fine, he was okay.

During the night, when he sat by the dim fireplace, listening to Phil's steady breathing, watching the embers flicker, they would sit next to him. Other-Dream would sit with him in silence, and they would take off their mask and throw it in the fire. They would both watch the mask slowly melt and burn, the poorly painted frown always turning into the same, dark blob of black. Other-Dream, after the mask was burned to nothing but unrecognizable ashes, they would start the endless cycle of torment. At first, Dream would always think to himself, he would try to outrun them, but by the time the mask is fully burned, he would never be able to muster the strength to stand up. Other-Dream would snort every time they turned to see Dream still sitting next to him. He could never tell what they were thinking, what they were feeling. All Dream would stare into was a black pit of emptiness.

It was another night of torment. Dream had grown used to the constant berating from his other self, and he was rather skilled at ignoring them, instead, hyper fixating on Phil's calm breathing. Other-Dream sat down next to him as per usual, throwing their mask into the fire, like they were following a script. Except, this time, they didn't sit in silence.

" _You don't think about running anymore, do you._ " It wasn't a question, more of a statement. Dream didn't know _how_ his other self knew, but it was true either way. He had already given up avoiding their harsh words. " _Where's the fun in that? Shouldn't you run, struggle for a bit longer? You should be entertaining for me at least_." Dream glared at other-Dream, shivering and looking away as they cackled at his fear. They didn't even have a mouth, and yet they spoke and _laughed_ at him.

"Why don't you just leave me alone if I'm not entertaining enough? I'd really like it if you would." Dream couldn't see it, but he just _knew_ that other-Dream was smirking.

" _And, why would I do that? That's even more boring than you just sitting there._ " Dream sighed, focusing his attention on Phil. Wilbur wasn't anywhere to be found, most likely on one of his little expeditions into the woods. Usually, Dream would have tagged along with him, but Wilbur insisted he stay at home, 'to rest', he said. Wilbur would've usually come to check up on Dream, interrupting other-Dream's long, and heart-wrenching monologue about how nobody wanted him around, which saved Dream from having to hear _all_ of it. However, now that Wilbur was gone, he would have to sit through it and see it until the end. Dream glanced out the window to see the moon was still rising. He would have to endure their words for the next nine hours.

" _Are you sad that Wilbur can't come to save you now? Little pissbaby?_ " Dream cringed at the derogatory nickname. He didn't even know how other-Dream came up with, 'pissbaby', of all insults. Dream wasn't very hurt, more appalled by how _horribly_ uncreative they were. " _Why is your face like that? You shouldn't look like that, you're supposed to be hurt._ " Other-Dream huffed, crossing their arms over their chest. In moments like these, Dream really recognized how immature his other self was in some aspects. They were still as terrifying as _fuck_ when they wanted to be, but still childish.

"You do realise how childish you sound right now, right?" Dream asked rhetorically, rolling his eyes as he did. Other-Dream tilted their head, unable to express just how pissed off they were with their face.

" _Shut the fuck up, you little liar. I know you remember everything, so don't try and be smart with me._ " They hissed, leaning in close towards Dream's face. He flinched as his nose nearly grazed the black emptiness. They had no eyes, yet Dream felt as though they were looking into his soul. " _I know every little thing you do. I_ know _you remember everything you did to Tommy, everything you did to George and Sapnap, what you did to_ Fundy _. You're a horrible person, and you know that, yet you still continue to leech off of Phil, Wilbur, Techno- fucking_ Tommy- _for comfort. You goddamn psychopath_." Dream couldn't bring himself to be angry at his other self, because they were right. He knew what horrible deeds he committed, _crimes_ that he should be paying for in prison, but he was still here, pretending like he couldn't remember a single thing about himself.

Dream didn't know exactly when he started to remember things from when he was alive, but it started when he met Sapnap- when they made _eye contact_ \- it ripped out his heart to see him in such a desperate state, grovelling on the ground in fear and agony. Wilbur and Phil had ushered him away before he could think of anything to say, thankfully for him as well. He probably would've just made things worse with how jumbled his thoughts were then. Dream had started to remember things when they were in the nether, and he had been so _horrified_ at himself, he couldn't even move or say anything. He just clung onto Wilbur even tighter than before, which mislead them into thinking he was slightly traumatized from what _he_ had caused.

After a week of just pretending, _acting_ like he didn't know, the faint recollections were as clear as day. He could recall every little detail- the emptiness in Tommy's eyes as he blew up Logstedshire in front of him, the way George and Sapnap glared at him with disgust swirling in their eyes, the way everyone had gasped in horror as he helped Techno destroy L'manburg during the revolution against Schlatt. Dream could remember every little _disgusting_ thing he did, every crime he should've been killed for _ten times_ over. But he still just sat inside the cozy cabin, basking in the comfort that exuded from the walls. He didn't want to lose everything again, he _couldn't_ lose everything again.

" _They'll all hate you, you know that. That's why you're scared of telling them you remember, because you're a coward who can't own up to his own crimes, instead choosing to selfishly extort them of their soothing words and hands_." Other-Dream cackled as Dream curled into himself, hiding his face from them. He could feel the guilt crawling down his throat and into his stomach, growing inside him. Tears pricked at the corner of his eyes, stinging slightly from the way they froze partially.

"I know that just leave me alone. I know, it's my fault, I'm a coward," Dream turned to other-Dream, who brought their hand up to cover the area where their mouth should've been. It felt as though they were silently laughing at his distress. "Just, _please_ , leave me be. I'll do whatever you want, just leave me alone." They let out a high pitch laugh, similar to a hyena. They wiped away imaginary tears, sighing as they calmed down.

" _Leave you alone? No, I'll only leave you alone when you're locked away and left to rot in a prison cell. Even then, maybe I won't ever leave your side_." Dream bit his lip to hold back a scream of frustration. He should learn how to get out his anger in a way that _wasn't_ screaming at the top of his lungs until his vocal cords nearly ripped themselves apart.

"Dream?" Dream's head snapped to look up at Phil, who was sitting up groggily in bed. "Who're you talking to? Is Wilbur back already?" Phil mumbled, rubbing at his eyes with his kimono sleeve.

"It's nobody, Phil, just talking to myself is all." Dream put on a fake smile, trying to keep from glancing at other-Dream. They were standing in the corner menacingly, mask magically appearing back on their face. The mask was frowning at him, almost like it was meant to mock his tears.

"Oh, alright mate. Since I'm already awake, why don't I keep you company in Wilbur's stead," Phil said as he wrapped the top half of his kimono around his shoulders loosely. "I'm sure Wilbur wouldn't want you to be lonely while he's away, hm?"

Dream gasped, "No, it's really okay, you should get some more sleep instead, _especially_ since I woke you up." Phil ignored his protests, grabbing the red blanket off his bed to wrap around Dream and himself in. Phil joined Dream in front of the small fireplace, settling behind him. Phil manhandled Dream gently, pulling Dream towards his chest, letting him lay down comfortably between his legs and against himself. Dream lay there stiffly, the knot of guilt growing even _more_ tangled as Phil caressed his hair affectionately.

"I know ghosts don't need to sleep, but that doesn't mean you can't relax with a blanket and a pillow every once in a while." Phil undid the messy ponytail that Dream had made earlier that day, running his fingers through his hair tenderly. Dream seemed to _melt_ every time Phil's blunt nails would scratch his scalp softly, making his body like putty. Dream eyes roamed around the room curiously, wondering if his other self was still standing creepily in a corner or something. They weren't in his peripheral, so they most likely have left for the night. To where? Dream didn't really want to know, neither did he care very much about other-Dream's business or whereabouts.

"Thank you for this, Phil." Dream purred, completely relaxed and blissed out. How he was feeling was probably the closest he would get to a good night's sleep. Phil chuckled, continuing his administrations.

"Would you like you to share what you were talking about earlier?" Phil's face contorted with worry as Dream instantly tensed, stiff once again. "Dream? Is everything okay? Are you still recovering from the incident in L'manburg? You don't have to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable." Phil fell silent as he played with Dream's hair, massaging his scalp as to relax him again. Dream sighed in pleasure, leaning further against Phil's chest, fiddling with his fingers. He relaxed again, letting his muscles melt from the warmth of the fireplace and the blanket, along with Phil's body heat.

They sat together by the fireplace, a comfortable silence settling between them. About two hours had gone by with Phil just playing with Dream's hair, scratching and massaging his scalp, along with the ghost's neck and shoulders.

"Phil. If I tell you that I was being really selfish when I shouldn't have been, how would you react? Hypothetically, of course." Dream asked abruptly, waiting for Phil's answer.

Phil smiled to himself, moving his hands down to rest against Dream's own. "Well, for starters, with how much you've been through, I wouldn't blame you for being just a little bit selfish. Hypothetically, of course." Phil joked, rubbing Dream's knuckles with his thumb. "Do you want to tell me anything, Dream? You don't have to if you don't feel comfortable, I just want to be able to support and help you." Phil could feel Dream start trembling in his arms, holding onto his hand gently.

"I-I'm sorry, I lied- I can- I remember- I'm _so_ sorry-" Dream scrambled to turn around, hugging Phil tightly, tears pouring down his face. Phil let out a small huff as Dream knocked them both to the floor, sobbing into his chest, the fabric of his kimono balled in Dream's fists. Phil shushed him quietly, stroking his head as Dream's shoulders heaved with every sob that left his body. He sniffled as he calmed down, burying his face further into Phil's chest, slightly covered in a layer of frost.

"What do you remember?" Phil asked quietly, trying to keep his voice low as to not startle the ghost. Dream hiccupped, letting out shaky breaths as he attempted to form words.

"Everything, Phil. Since L'manburg, I remembered _everything_." Dream nearly broke into another sobbing fit, unable to look up at Phil. "Why am I such a _horrible_ and _disgusting_ person, Phil? How can you even stand to be around me? After what I did to Tommy- _your son_." Phil looked down at Dream, holding his cheek gently. The ghost glanced up at him hesitantly, fear apparent in his eyes.

"Well, since you're crying over this... since you were scared that I'd hate you, obviously you feel sorry." Dream leaned into Phil's hand, closing his eyes slowly at the warmth. "You're a good kid, really, Dream, you are. I don't know what you were thinking when you were alive, but I know you're a good kid nonetheless."

"So... you don't hate me?" Phil shook his head, smiling tenderly. Dream's lower lip trembled, his eyes becoming glossy. He burst into tears as Phil pat his back comfortingly. "I just- I just wanted everyone to- to be _together_! To- to be happy together! I didn't mean- I didn't want any of this to happen. It's all my fault." Phil listened to Dream babble incoherently, letting out apology after apology. Phil wouldn't be surprised if Techno woke up from how loud Dream was sobbing.

"It's okay, Dream. Let's just rest, then we can tell everyone else in the morning." Dream nodded, wiping at his nose with his sleeve. Phil yawned, blinking slowly. Dream was a comfortable weight on his chest, lulling him into slumber much more smoothly. It reminded Phil when Wilbur and Techno were still just little babies. They would lay on his chest, just like Dream, except they were _much_ smaller back then. Somehow, Dream felt just like one of his sons, like his own child. The way he had cried and apologised profusely reminded Phil of when Techno would lose control and accidentally hurt Tommy or Wilbur, and he would be absolutely _mortified_ at what he had done. Techno had cried just like Dream.

"You can lay like this as long as you'd like, Dream. Just, relax, alright?" Dream lay still, feeling numb, but a comfortable kind. Phil's even, deep breaths indicated that he had already fallen asleep. Dream basked in the warmth that surrounded him, getting a fuzzy feeling in his chest.

_He's glad that Phil doesn't hate him. Maybe the others wouldn't either..._

Dream lay listlessly, all thoughts emptying from his head. This was as close to sleep he could get. It was quite comfortable, he should do this more often.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok but like actually I'm feeling so motivated these days, like one of those anime protagonists that get the shit beat out of them then go, "is that all you've got?" then throw up blood like some loser lmao  
> also the SELF PROJECTING in this chapter is just-  
> sorry for the short chapter btw : P


	8. NOT A CHAPTER!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOT A CHAPTER

Hi my lovely readers! Unfortunately, I've been going through this writer's block, and I literally can't come up with anything for the (technically eighth) chapter. So, I was thinking that I maybe start this other story with a different setting, but pretty much same concept, just a lot darker and _maybe_ a little bit more deeper than just; Dream is a ghost, what will he do?

To summarise the story briefly, it's pretty much me writing about prison Dream and his little journaling thing he's got going on. Honestly, the story might become me just ranting through self-projecting, but I've been thinking about making a story about prison Dream ever since the stream where he got absolutely _bodied_. Also, if you were wondering how much darker I meant, I mean like, _trigger_ warnings type shit. I've been wanting to make this story a whole lot more dark in nature, but I felt that it would've ruined the whole concept of this sort of hurt/comfort with lots of comfort and wholesomeness, and I've been wanting to kind of stray from those kinds of stories.

I'm already working on the first chapter of the prison Dream fic, but I just wanted all of you guys' opinions. Should I make this fic and take a brain breather from this one or should I try to focus on one work instead of trying to balance two?

Again, I'm probably going to upload the story either way, but I really wanted to hear your advice, because I can still be easily swayed and convinced.


	9. NEW STORY RELEASED!

guess what guys, I finally posted the fucking story. I spent the past three days _alone_ just trying to decide whether or not it was too short or too long, whether or not I was writing Dream's character correctly, and I finally did it. I'm actually rather proud of the first chapter, so please check it out if you have the time!

I'll be out with another chapter for Cast Away soon, because I feel like I can balance both if I just try hard to keep with a schedule that I'm working on.

Hope you enjoy!

[being in a prison gives you a lot of time to think](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29060040/chapters/71329308)


	10. and for a moment i thought you were here, but then again, it wasn't true

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just want to cry.

Dream sat up quickly as Phil groaned underneath him, rubbing his eyes groggily. He blinked slowly, his gaze unfocused. Dream waved down at Phil, a small grin on his face. He giggled as Phil waved back in confusion, still not quite aware of his surroundings.

Phil stretched his arms out, letting out a large sigh of satisfaction. "Good morning, mate."

"Sorry, I must be heavy." Phil smiled up at Dream, shaking his head in disagreement.

"No, you're fine. You're light, even for a ghost." Phil didn't say anything about the fact that starvation is one of the things that contributed to Dream's death. He sat up, his wings flapping slightly. "I haven't preened them this week. I should do that soon." He muttered to himself, running his fingers over the black feathers gently. Dream stared at Phil's wings curiously, his fingers twitching occasionally. His hands almost itched to reach out and touch Phil's wings. Said hybrid glanced at Dream, a small smile dancing on his lips.

"Do you want to touch them?" He stretched his wing towards Dream, urging him tenderly. "It's fine, just be gentle." Dream nodded, gulping as his fingertips brushed against Phil's primary feathers. His wing pressed further into Dream's touch, urging him along further. The ghost gasped excitedly, amazed by the softness of the feathers, admiring the slight shiny sheen that made the black wings glint softly underneath the filtered sunlight.

"Your wings are so pretty. Can I help you preen them?" Dream asked eagerly, grinning hopefully as he brushed his hand through the large primaries, gently caressing the top of Phil's wings.

Phil nodded, "I don't see why not. Techno helps me sometimes, too, so if you need any advice on preening you can ask him if I'm out or busy." Dream hummed happily, adjusting some feathers here and there, straightening out any bent feathers he found. His hands were clumsy, but Phil felt relaxed nonetheless, letting out little chirps and trills here and there. Dream tried to copy his noises in response unsuccessfully, giggling when Phil would respond with a chirp either way.

This went on for thirty more minutes, Phil almost falling asleep multiple times, Dream having to shake him a little to keep his eyes open. He finally pulled his hands away from Phil's wings, having moved onto the right-wing when he confirmed Phil's left-wing was as clean as he could make it.

"Not to break the mood but, how are you going to break the news to Tommy and Techno?" Phil inquired cautiously, selecting his words carefully. "I know Techno will be somewhat indifferent, however, Tommy... he won't take it well- the reasons are self-explanatory. I've just realised, there's Wilbur too, but he'll accept it right away, I know him." Dream sighed, fiddling with the sleeves of his hoodie as he mulled over his options.

"I don't know, Phil. Tommy might just hate me after I tell him- and Techno will _probably_ be indifferent, but not the _good_ kind of indifferent, Phil." He at least knew that Wilbur wouldn't be angry with him. If _anything_ , the yellow-clad ghost would be _happy_ for him instead.

"What do you mean, Dream?" His mouth opened and closed, trying to find the right words to explain his thoughts. Phil rubbed Dream's back in an attempt to comfort him, letting out chirps that seemed to help soothe the ghost.

"I mean- Techno cares about Tommy _a lot_ , and he might not care for me _at all_ after I tell him," Dream sniffled, "What I mean is- just that Techno _right now_ cares about me and all that, as he cares about you and Tommy, but after I tell him he might stop caring. He'll ignore me as he did in the beginning- Techno couldn't even _look_ at me, Phil!" Dream slowly started to rise in volume, tears forming in his eyes. He couldn't finish his sentences, cutting himself off every time he tried to explain his emotions. Phil silently opened up his arms, waiting for Dream to calm down and come to him.

"It's ok, Dream. Even if that happens- which I know _will not_ \- I'll be here to smack some sense into those two." Phil smiled to himself as Dream let out a little giggle, sniffling as he pulled away from him, using his sleeves to wipe away his tears. Thin lines of frost decorated Dream's cheeks, and if you looked closely enough, you could see the faint outlines of every particle, each of their own unique design.

Phil ruffled Dream's hair, who huffed as his sat and endured the childlike treatment. "C'mon now, I'm sure Techno's already getting ready for the day. We'll have to go and wake Tommy up, too." Dream tensed slightly an unsure swirl of anxiety in his eyes as he looked up at Phil.

"You can tell them on your own time, Dream. I'm not forcing you to tell them immediately- _however_ ," Phil paused, "You shouldn't keep this a secret for too long. If you wait for too long, even if they are accepting, they'll be hurt by your doubt." Dream nodded rapidly, a small smile gracing his face. Phil sighed, shaking his head playfully.

"I won't hide it for very long I can promise you that, Phil. I just need a little more time to collect my thoughts. You understand, right?"

"Of course I understand. Alright, we've lying here for a while now, we should get before even _Tommy_ is ready before us." Phil stood up, followed by Dream. He grinned cheerfully, his doubts pacified by Phil's comforting words.

They both said good morning to Techno, who grunted in response, already descending the latter that led to the basement, where Tommy still lied asleep. Phil and Dream listened closely as they heard Tommy's loud squeal of surprise fill the quiet cabin, laughing together as Techno came back up the latter with the youngest slung over his shoulder, shouting rather colourful words into Techno's ear.

Dream grinned to himself, laughing merrily as Wilbur came barging in through the front door suddenly. He was tackled by the older ghost, sending them both careening into the chests that lined the wall towards the back of the cabin. Friend waddled in after, their wool getting a bit _too_ thick for their own good. They all laughed together, all aware- ye unaware- that something overwhelming and overbearing had been confessed, and a ghost that haunted had been driven away.

Dream felt as though everything would be okay in the end- he had a family to rely on now.

* * *

He was wrong. He _really_ hadn't thought this through, huh?

"You remember everything?" Tommy asked after a long moment of silence, his face downcasted. Dream couldn't form any words in his mouth, and his throat seemed to squeeze shut every time he tried to calm himself through breathing exercises that Phil had taught him earlier in preparation.

Phil glanced nervously between Dream and Tommy and Technoblade, stepping in for the ghost. "Tommy, Techno... I know this is a lot to take in, but _please_ try to be a bit understanding." Tommy stood silently, Techno's old cape still wrapped around his shoulders from when he was mocking the piglin hybrid just earlier. Techno was sitting down in the new armchair he and Phil had made together the day before, the book he had been reading still in his hand, his thumb marking where his page was. His ears twitched with every sound, alert from the sudden spike of shock.

Phil and Dream had told Wilbur beforehand, treating it as a small boost of confidence for Dream when he would have to tell Tommy and Techno. They had asked Wilbur to exit the cabin for a little while, in case an argument broke out, then he wouldn't fuel the fire. He was always extra passionate when it came to anything concerning Dream- probably because of some kind of ghost familial bond.

"Understanding of _what_ , Phil? That he _lied_ to us for a fucking _week_!" Tommy shouted, his rage quite evident in his voice. "He pretended to be all innocent and shit, but he knew exactly what he fucking did to me! He _knew_ about what fucked up shit he's done, but he acted as though he didn't! Now he expects us- _you_ expect us to just forgive him for all the shit he's done! That _fucked up_ Phil!" Techno sat silently, his expression unreadable as he listened to Tommy's rant.

This is _exactly_ what Dream expected- what he _deserved_ really. He shouldn't have let his guard down, that was his first stupid mistake. His second was having Wilbur leave the cabin.

" _Tommy_! Dream _finally_ mustered up the courage to tell you two the truth, and you're spitting all his efforts right back in his face! I know you're angry, but what difference does it make to be angry? Can you not see how _sorry_ he feels? I'm not invalidating your feelings- I know it _seems_ that way, but Dream is trying his _best_ right now, Tommy." Phil sighed, exasperated beyond description, "I _know_ you can't just forgive him right away, but at _least_ don't treat him like he's the scum of the earth. He's trying, Tommy, he really is." The two stood there staring at each other, neither yielding to the other. Dream shrunk into himself, already on the verge of a panic attack.

This was all his fault. _If he just hadn't run off_ \- no. _If he just didn't exist, none of this would have happened_ -

Techno snapped his book shut, standing up from his seat. Dream's eyes shot to the piglin, his anxiety doubling. "You're both right about _some_ things, I'll give you two that." He snorted, placing his book into one of the many chests that were pushed up against the far back of the cabin. "But here's where you're wrong about some things. Phil, Tommy has every right to be _furious_ with Dream- he went through _torture_ during his exile, he should get this much. So, you shouldn't be telling him to act civil with him- and just because he's sorry doesn't mean Tommy will be any less enraged."

Dream fiddled with the hem of his sleeves, glancing between Tommy and Phil. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have expected anything more. I know I don't deserve forgiveness, but I was at least hoping I could stay for a little while longer." He sniffled, squeezing his eyes shut to keep his tears from escaping.

Techno placed his hand on top of Dream's head, making him flinch in surprise. He gave Dream an exhausted smile. "I'm not finished yet, Dream."

"What's there to reprimand _me_ about? I thought I was in the right!" Tommy clamoured, eyes widening.

"Just because I said you can be angry at Dream doesn't mean you're _entirely_ in the right Tommy. Phil has a point, too. Dream's trying, Tommy, we've all seen it. He felt guilty for things he couldn't even _remember_ doing, so obviously, that's going to apply for when he _does_ remember. If anything, that makes him feel even worse." Techno shook his head in disappointment. "You betrayed me once, Tommy- and that doesn't compare to what Dream did to you when he was _alive_ , but I still treat you civilly."

"I'm your _brother_ , Techno, that's different-"

"And Dream is me and Wilbur's childhood friend, and he hasn't betrayed me yet, so I don't think you have much room for talk about familial ties and bonds." The tension _skyrocketed_. Dream backed up towards Phil, hurriedly hiding behind him. Techno and Tommy glared at each other, both of them refusing to speak.

Dream whispered to Phil, making sure to be as quiet as possible, "Shouldn't you stop them, Phil? Things might get out of hand if we don't step in." He shook his head. Phil instead ushered Dream outside in silence, shushing the ghost every time he attempted to protest. Dream relented as he was pushed out the front door and onto the patio, huffing as he attempted to look over Phil's large wings, trying to catch a glimpse of the two brothers.

"Don't worry, they always find a way to make up. They might be tense for a few days, but it'll go back to normal- you'll see." Phil made an effort to try and soothe Dream's worries and doubts, chirping and trilling loudly to cheer him up.

Dream smiled a little. Nonetheless, he couldn't but be extremely worried for the Tomm and Techno, who he considered his close family after everything they'd done for him. What if they never go back to their usual dynamic- constantly tense around the other, anger bubbling _just_ underneath their skin, ready to burst at one snarky remark- he _couldn't_ even bear witness to that! He'd let himself die a second permanent death than ruin their family dynamic. He was the intruder, so why should he split them apart over some stupid memories.

" _Dream_." Phil's tone of voice was suddenly _extremely_ serious. And his words were pointed directly at him. "Just judging from the look on your face, you're feeling really guilty, huh?" Dream nodded reluctantly, afraid of causing more problems for Phil to deal with.

"I don't want their relationship to fall apart because of _me_. I can't handle that, Phil- I really, _really_ can't." Dream's breath began to quicken, his chest tightening with every little gasp.

Phil grabbed onto his shoulders, shaking Dream a little as he forced the taller to look at him in the eye. " _Calm down_. They'll be fine, Dream. If they need a little encouraging, then I and Wilbur can handle that- but _none_ of this is your fault, yeah? Just think of this as a healthy family argument. Every healthy relationship needs a little bit of conflict to avoid even _more_ conflict, you know?" Dream smiled at the attempt to comfort him, nodding he got control of his breathing.

"I've got it, Phil. Just a little family feud, they'll make up on their own." They both sat together on the stairs in silence, unable to hear what was going on inside the cabin- mostly due to them being dead silent. This made Dream a bit anxious, but they could just be reconciling with each other. Although, very silently if it were confirmed to be the truth.

They both looked up as a yellow dot in the distance began to grow larger as it approached. A blue blob followed close behind, letting out faint noises that Phil could barely discern as bleats of a sheep. Wilbur had finally arrived- at a rather bad time, though.

"Hey Dream! Hey Phil! How did telling Tommy and Techno go?" Wilbur looked towards Phil for an explanation, Dream having seized up thinking about the two still inside the cabin.

"Tommy didn't take it very well, but Techno's pretty _okay_ with it. This is a good start, ain't it?" Wilbur nodded cheerfully, making sure to give Phil his happiest smile.

"Then I'll go in and talk to them! I'm sure they've made up by now- but if not, I'll just encourage them to make up!" Wilbur cheerfully marched up the steps of the patio, his hand resting on the handle of the door. Dream gulped audibly. Wilbur was making things unnecessarily nerve-wracking. The taller looked down at him, then smiled in an attempt to tranquillize his rush of thoughts.

Dream watched as Wilbur disappeared into the cabin, the door slowly closing behind him.

Geeze, Wilbur really _would_ do anything for him.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't cry anymore.


	11. but pulled against the grain i feel a little pain that i would rather do without

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> took me a month to put this out but here we go

Dream didn't know how long Wilbur had been inside, but he knew it was long enough for Phil to become concerned, having gone inside the cabin to check up on his sons half an hour ago. He'd been sitting on the patio in silence trying to distract himself from the constant nagging in the back of his head.

He stared up at the sky watching in childlike wonder as the clouds slowly thickened, darkening in shade. The clouds looked plump and full, ready to burst at any moment. They looked so close to the ground, so close to him- nearly close enough for Dream to just reach up and _squeeze_ all the built-up snow inside. Squeeze with both of his hands, his left over the right, wringing out the clouds, as though he was strangling someone's _neck_ -

Dream gasped for air as he fell through the patio stairs, throwing himself back from nothing but his _own hands_ grabbing at his _own neck_. He Reached up through the wood planks, trying to materialize his hands so he could grab onto some kind of handhold. Dream began to panic as the rest of his body began to materialize alongside his hands, his chest heaving as the wood seemed to close further and further around him, constricting his movement until he could barely move his arms and legs. There was, luckily, enough wiggle room for Dream to take in deep breaths, trying to calm himself down.

All he could do in his situation was hope that either Phil or Will would finish their argument quickly enough to save him before he suffocated _in the_ patio. Not in some actually _reasonable_ place, no, in the goddamn stairs while he struggled to make himself permeable.

Dream sighed as he slowly moved his arms, testing how far he could move without getting stuck again. He couldn't understand how he even got himself into his stupid situation- one second he's just staring up at the clouds, the next he's stuck inside the patio stairs unable to get out. He knew he could be stupid sometimes, but not to this extent.

As he fell through the stairs to rest on the dirt foundation underneath he began to let his thoughts wander. Why did he strangle himself? How had he not noticed his own hands wrapping around his own throat- _what_ had ever possessed him to do that to himself. He was fine, he never had any urges like _that_ \- Dream did, but he never would let himself accept that and he would keep denying until the day he finally gave in and _listened_ to the urges- to _them_. And he knew he would regret not asking for help soon, but he can deal with the thoughts on his own- he _has_ been.

"Dream? Dream!" He startled and let out a yelp, causing Wilbur- who had come to get him- to look down in surprise. "Dream? Are you _in_ the patio?"

He passed through the planks, a flustered smile on his face as he waved at Wilbur. The older ghost snorted, chuckling to himself as Dream cleared his throat, trying to cover up his rather embarrassing incident. "Don't beat yourself over the head, I've accidentally gone incorporeal plenty of times before, it's just something that happens." Wilbur smiled, trying to minimize the ignominy that Dream must have been feeling. The younger ghost simply cleared his throat loudly in a poor attempt to appease the awkwardness that seemed to be growing in his chest.

"So," Dream badly smoothed over his shame, attempting to change the subject, "What were you guys talking about in there for so long?"

Wilbur opened his mouth to speak, pausing multiple times before speaking. "Phil and I tried to convince Tommy to let you stay, and Techno waited until the end to express his opinion." Dream's eyebrow quirked up, motioning for Wilbur to continue. He glanced down at Dream's shoes then back up at his face, a guilty grimace contorted his expression.

"Wilbur, what happened in there?" He reached for Dream's hands, frowning as he pulled away from him. "Tell me what happened inside. Please." Wilbur's brow creased as Dream turned away from him. The two ghosts stood there in tense silence, the tension so potent that you could almost _see_ and _feel_ it. Wilbur finally broke the stifling hush with a large sigh, slouching in defeat. He sat down on the stairs, pulling on Dream's hoodie for him to sit down.

"Do you want the long version, the short version or the dramatic retelling?" Wilbur grinned as Dream snorted, covering his smile with his hand.

He cleared his throat again, "Enough jokes, just tell me what happened," He paused, "Please."

Wilbur chuckled, "Alright. I'll give you the short version." Dream squirmed in his spot slightly, preparing for the worst. "Tommy obviously wanted you to leave while I and Phil wanted you to stay. Tommy and I got into a really heated debate on whether or not you deserved a second chance- but I probably shouldn't talk about that right now. Techno was ultimately the tiebreaker, it's _his_ cabin after all, and he decided that... you should leave."

Dream had expected this- he _really_ had- but he just can't help feeling _extremely_ hurt. A little part of his heart hoped that maybe- _just_ maybe- that all of the months he spent with Tommy and Techno would've amounted to some sort of familial relationship, but he had obviously hoped for too much. Techno would always think of him as _only_ his rival, and Tommy- _Jesus_ , he shouldn't have hoped for _anything_ at all. He should've just confessed and run out of the house without giving it a second thought. He had done horrible things to the kid, he didn't deserve to stay _or_ a second chance.

"Dream," Wilbur reached for his gloved hand, his thumb brushing over his knuckles gently, "Techno just wanted to give Tommy time and space, he doesn't hate you. He thinks of you as a _brother_ and so do I. He just doesn't want to pressure Tommy too much into forgiving you when he isn't ready, so when the time comes you can come back and we'll all be together again." Dream leaned against Wilbur's shoulder, glad that the other was taller than him for once.

Wilbur adjusted himself so Dream could lean more comfortably against his chest, smiling as the shorter was practically sitting on his lap. Wilbur brought his hand up to caress Dream's hair, planting a soft kiss on top of his head. Dream's entire body trembled as silent wails left his throat, scrunching up further against Wilbur's body.

"I can go with you if you want." Dream's head knocked into Wilbur's chin as he turned to look at him in surprise. The latter chuckling as he rubbed his chin out of habit from back when he was alive.

"But- but what about Phil and Techno- what about _Tommy_ , he wouldn't take it well if you left with me." Dream bit at his fingers excessively as Wilbur smoothed down his hair gently. He grabbed Dream's wrist and pulled his hand away from his mouth, chiding him tenderly.

"I leave all the time for weeks on end with Friend, even when he was in- maybe I shouldn't mention that." Wilbur cut himself off and chuckled awkwardly, "He's used to me being gone for long periods of time and he has Techno and Phil, he'll be fine."

"Yeah, but I mean how he'll feel knowing his brother left him to be with his _abuser_. That's going to fuck him up on the inside _a lot_ more than you think, Wilbur. I have some experience with... psychology." Dream joked uncomfortably, sitting up in Wilbur's lap slightly. He sighed, snaking his arms around Dream's waist, squeezing tightly as he pulled Dream against his chest again.

"I _know_ \- but what about you? Won't _you_ get all fucked up on the inside being all alone?" Wilbur asked, digging his chin into Dream's shoulder. "I know Tommy would resent me if I left with you, but I don't want to have to sacrifice one thing for the other; your mental stability or Tommy's. He has Phil and Techno, but if I stayed you would have _no one_ and I can't let that happen." Dream scoffed, his face heating up with embarrassment. He felt extraordinarily paramount to Wilbur, to the point where his heart felt like it was just going to _explode_ with how much appreciation and _love_ he felt for the yellow-clad ghost. He had never felt any sort of older brother bond with anyone before- and he had to say if this was what it felt like to have an older brother, _god_ what he would he do to have one.

Dream smiled to himself. Well, he supposed Wilbur was sort of an older brother to him now.

He twisted around in Wilbur's lap so he could straddle him, then he wrapped his arms and legs around him like a panda around bamboo. "Thank you for thinking of me."

"Of course, Dream. You know that I love you, right?" He nodded against Wilbur's chest, nuzzling into his sweater. He chuckled quietly, rocking Dream like a child. The back and forth motion made it so much easier to nod off. No wonder kids seemed to sleep like logs when you rock them. Dream's eyelids felt as though they were weighted down by invisible little blocks, causing him to bring a hand up to rub at them, as though the grogginess would dissipate.

"Wait!" Dream shot up, knocking his against Wilbur's chin _again_. "When do I have to leave?" 

"Phil and Techno are talking about that right now. I think Phil wants us to stay for a few more days before leaving and Techno's going with whatever Tommy wants." Dream nodded somberly, his hair falling over his shoulders. Wilbur brushed it back behind his ear, cupping his cheek lovingly. "It's okay, Dream. Think of it as a bonding trip between ghost bros. We'll go on great adventures, explore beautiful lands, and we'll have each other the entire time to keep company. It's like a vacation." Dream listened attentively to his rambling, mesmerized by the notion of adventure and exploration.

Wilbur continued to entertain Dream with the mental images of unexplored temples and discovering treasure buried deep underneath the sand, of long lost civilizations underneath deep, dark oceans. It was addicting to hear the slew of stories pour from Wilbur's mouth, all fables and myths that he's _positive_ are all improvised, which makes the stories all the more impressive and enthralling.

They continued to sit on the patio stairs, Wilbur still pumping out story after story, his imagination never seeming to tire in the _slightest_. Dream sat completely still, enraptured by Wilbur's hypnotic voice as his pace slowed and quickened along with the context of his current story he was improvising. "The Lost City of Mizu" he called the magnetising words that spilt from his mouth to form captivating sentences.

Wilbur paused as the door behind them creaked open, revealing an exhausted Phil. He smiled at the two of them, his creased brow unfurling slightly as he sat beside them. "Hey, you two, what have you been up to while I was in there?"

Dream extended his hand towards Phil, brushing his fingers through his wings in an attempt to soothe his worries. "Wilbur's just been telling me stories. What's on your mind, Phil? From your expression, I'm guessing it didn't go very well." The avian hybrid nodded reluctantly, draping his left-wing over the two ghosts.

"I tried my best, Dream- I really did- but Tommy and Techno are stubborn to a fault." He nodded knowingly, having dealt with Tommy's bull-headedness more than enough times to understand what Phil meant.

"Yeah, I get it, I've had firsthand experience with Tommy plenty of times, I feel you." Phil chortled softly, his shoulder more relaxed and less tense than before.

Wilbur hummed placidly, "When do we leave anyway?" Phil's ears seemed to perk up at his sentence, a confused expression on his face.

"What do you mean, ' _we_ '?" Wilbur looked nearly just as bewildered as Phil. He glanced at Dream, as though he would have some kind of response. The green-clad ghost simply shrugged, not knowing what to say either. They both looked back at the oldest of the three who's eyes bounced between the two of them. "Well? Care to explain what you mean by that?"

"Well," Wilbur sighed nervously, "You see... I'm going to leave with Dream-"

"What?! No- I care for Dream, too, Wilbur- but _no_ , you can't just leave Tommy like that!" Phil nearly shouted, his words biting into Dream's skin harshly. He had just started to think of himself as important enough to have at least _Phil_ support Wilbur leaving with him. Guess he was wrong to assume that.

" _Excuse me_? What about Dream? Do you really think that he'll be able to make it out there alone?" Wilbur's voice tightened. Dream watched nervously as Phil and the older ghost glared at each other, neither of them breaking the other's gaze.

"He can go to L'manburg and stay with Fundy or Tubbo."

Wilbur looked nearly _offended_. "Have you already forgotten about what happened last time? He created a bloody _blizzard_ , Phil- I get that you're going fucking senile, but can't you have some fucking _common sense_?" Phil had backed up from them considerably, his wings and hackles held high. Wilbur seethed with anger. "I don't care about your opinion, Phil, I'm going with Dream and that's the end of this debate." Phil's wings fluttered faintly, an expression of poignancy infecting the air around them with overwhelmingly intense sorrow.

"I'm sorry, Wil," Phil reached out to cup Dream's cheek while holding Wilbur's hand. "I'm so, _so_ sorry, Dream. I shouldn't have tried to argue and I should've _never_ suggested that you were less of a priority than Tommy."

Dream leaned into Phil's hand, heaving out a sigh of contentment. "It's okay, Phil. I understand- Tommy's your son, of course, he would be a larger priority," Although he had never _once_ attempted to be a good father, a little voice in the back of his head hissed venomously, but Dream would never repeat what the voice would say. "Just know that I'm not hurt by what you said, I _completely_ understand." He said eloquently with a tight smile. He had lied, obviously, his heart was thoroughly beaten to a pulp by his words. Dream had _truly_ expected a different reaction from Phil, something less upsetting.

But _we're always expecting more than we deserve_.

" _Dream_. It's okay if you don't forgive me, but don't you _ever_ lie to me about how you feel. It's okay to admit to feeling hurt by what I said- I'd be, too, in your situation," Phil brushed his thumb over his cheek. "It's okay to be vulnerable, Dream. You don't need to hide how you feel from us- we're your _family_ now." Dream felt touched by Phil's words, feeling a bit more certain about his standing and relationship with the avian hybrid.

Dream snivelled gently, quite literally being moved to _tears_. "Thank you for saying that, Phil. I actually needed to hear that, so, thanks again." Dream reached for his hand, pulling him closer to Wilbur and him.

"I'm... also sorry for what I said, Dad," Wilbur muttered, "I guess you're _not_ going senile." Phil let out a hearty wheeze, patting Wilbur on the back with his wing playfully. Dream rarely heard Wilbur call Phil 'Dad', and if he thought about it, he's only heard Tommy and Techno call Phil 'Dad' a handful of times as well. He wondered why.

"So," Dream started, "When _do_ Wilbur and I leave?" Phil's hackles raised a few inches, his shoulders tensing as well. He sighed, slouching as he let go of Dream's cheek to run his hand over his face, looking twice his age from how exasperated he had become near instantaneously.

"Wilbur, Dream... I genuinely don't know how to say this without making Techno and Tommy look bad."

Wilbur tightened his hold on Dream's waist, tensing as well. "It's alright, Phil, just spit it out." Phil looked up at Dream, a guilty glimmer in his eyes- or maybe it was the glossiness of his tears, but he doubts Phil would cry that easily.

"Techno said that ideally- and I'm sure you understand what he means by _ideally_ \- that... you and Dream should... leave tonight." Wilbur let out a huff that sounded as though he was getting punched in the gut. Phil nodded with him as he guffawed in complete disbelief. Dream could understand Wilbur's bewilderment- he was their brother- but he honestly expected Tommy to want him gone sooner rather than later. He was a horrible person, he couldn't and _wouldn't_ be able to deny that.

Wilbur let out an airy laugh, sounding almost _hysterical_. "You'd think with how long he's been staying with us they'd show a little mercy." Dream held onto Wilbur tightly, nuzzling his face into the crook of his neck.

"It's fine, Wilbur, we'll make it through this together."

Phil smiled sadly to himself as he watched Wilbur and Dream whisper to each other like two kids during their first sleepover. "Tell Techno I'll be in the foyer if he needs me. I'll leave you two to it and see you off later." Phil let out a quiet chirp as he let his wings unfurl, launching into the air and straight into an open window above them.

Wilbur looked down at Dream, "You ready to relive all those adventures I was telling you about?" Dream giggled lightly as he nodded.

"We'll be the most well-known explorers in all the SMP, discovering uncharted lands and undiscovered temples." Dream fantasized aloud, somewhat looking forward to his time away from the commune.

"Say," Wilbur had a teasing smile on his face, "We'll take a few treasure and ancient artefacts here and there, yeah?" Dream snorted, wheezing out a yes before calming down.

"Wilbur?" Said ghost let out a hum in response, "Do you think we could stay like this for a little while longer before we have to leave?"

"Yeah, I'd like to take a little break before packing. Do you want some blue while we wait?" Wilbur held out another blue inkstone, a relaxed smile resting lazily on his face. Dream gently took the deep blue stone from Wilbur's hand, observing it closely even though he's done so hundreds of other times.

And so, they sat together in silence, basking in each other's presence. Dream closed his eyes as little voices started to whisper and hiss from the back of his mind. They all said the same thing incessantly, endlessly rattling his brain.

_Why act like a saint when we take pleasure and satisfaction from his pain. We all feel the same; this is what Tommy deserves._

Dream would never admit this, obviously.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went to bed early for once but woke up two hours later at 4:00 AM and it was like a surreal feeling. It felt like I was kind of just floating on a cloud. I tried to go back to sleep, but I wasn't able to. It felt great while it lasted. Now I just feel like shit.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I'll try to get the next chapter out as soon as possible! : ]


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